Artists I admire: John Patrick Shanley

Last Saturday evening, the Program in Educational Theatre hosted a 50th anniversary alumni event featuring a conversation with John Patrick Shanley, the most distinguished alumnus of the program. Shanley is a decorated playwright and screenwriter,  best known for the Pulitzer Prize winning play Doubt and Moonstruck for which he won an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Both pieces of writing affected me for different reasons, but those reasons certainly relate to the cultures that Shanley presents. The Italian American families of Moonstruck and the Catholicism of Doubt resonated deeply with me, even though I don't outwardly appear to fit in with either of those cultures. Beyond my last name, I don't "look" very Italian, and my regular Catholic practice ended many years ago. That said, I recognized things about myself in both pieces of fiction, mostly because in his specificity, Shanley managed to show me something universal.

Shanley was interviewed for the event by my colleague Philip Taylor, and the conversation between the two men covered all sorts of territory. Some of the best takeaways from John Patrick Shanley included the following (pardon my paraphrasing):

Theatre is the place to do unsafe things safely.

I tell any writer--you have a lot of bad writing to do, so get started.

I had come not value the truth. I was too busy trying to show people how smart I was.

Trust that your truth is worth sharing.

Anything that you find embarrassing, damning, shameful is probably what you should write about.

If you have more than one character on stage, they should not be in agreement.

Find a peaceful core place to check in with yourself and figure out where you're at.

Sometimes you write something and it tells you what's going on.

After time, you get the audience in your body, and you can feel them responding as you write.

For giving us unforgettable characters for the stage and screen, for graciously sharing his wisdom with a room full of strangers connected by their love for the Program in Educational Theatre at NYU, and for continuing to write and create from a place of truth, honesty, and personal experience, John Patrick Shanley is the artist I admire for this week.

At Capacity--Scene 18: After death arguing

(Lights up on Julia’s hospital room. Steve and Claire are standing over Julia’s bed. Julia is tossing and turning.)

STEVE
Hello?  Julia?  Julia!  Can you hear me? (to Claire) What did she say?

CLAIRE
I don’t know, I couldn’t make it out. (to Julia) Julia?  Julia.  It’s Claire. Are you ok?

(Julia mumbles something unintelligible.)

CLAIRE
What? Julia, what did you say?

(Julia swats at Claire as she’s flailing around.)

CLAIRE
I think I’m gonna sit down. I don’t need a black eye out of this. (Sitting down)

STEVE
Julia? C’mon Julia, what are you trying to tell us?

JULIA (mumbling again)
Muh..muh…muuuuuhhhhh!

STEVE (over Julia’s mumbling)
Mud? Mustard? Mother?

JULIA (louder)
MUH…MUH…MUUUUUHHHHHHH!  MUH, MUH, MUH!

STEVE
I think she’s trying to say “mother.”

CLAIRE
Maybe she is, but what’s the difference?  We can’t get her to wake up and see us, so it just doesn’t matter.

STEVE
JULIA, ARE YOU SAYING “MOTHER”?

JULIA
YUH, YUH, YUH!

STEVE
I think that’s a yes.

CLAIRE
Great. The one person she’s asking for isn’t available.

STEVE
But at least she’s making progress.  We’re communicating with her now.

CLAIRE
Steve, it’s been a week of this, and we’ve got “Muh” for mother. That’s it.

STEVE
But at least—

CLAIRE
She’s not coming out of this like they said she would. I’m not sure what else we can do.

STEVE
Are you giving up on her?

CLAIRE
No, I’m not giving up on her. But I don’t know much longer we’re going to be able to sit here waiting for her to come out of it. This trance or whatever it is.

STEVE
The doctor said that she’s getting closer and closer to reality. She’s responding to light and touch and—

CLAIRE
I get it. She’s getting better.  I just wish that she’d go a little quicker.  We’re losing time on the packing and the closing on the house because we’re here all the time waiting for her to wake up.

STEVE
Claire, what is with you?  This is our sister.

CLAIRE
Yes, and? So what does that mean?  Julia is our sister and she’s hit this snag. But we all have lives that we need to get on with, including her. This little trance thing that she’s got going on is not helping us to get on with our lives.  Is it?

STEVE
You are so callous about everything.  How do you do that?

CLAIRE
You’re being really dramatic, Steve. If I were callous, I wouldn’t be sitting here waiting for her to wake up and get on with her life.  Callous would be ignoring it altogether and getting back to the business of the house.  But here I am, waiting for Julia to come to her senses.

STEVE
Hold on.  Three days ago, you were the one telling me how delicate this was and that Julia needed more careful consideration because of what Mom and Dad did to her, how they didn’t help her. Now you’re saying this?

CLAIRE
Saying what?  What did I just say that’s so different?

STEVE
You kinda just made it sound like Julia should just get over it.

(Julia stirs at this statement. Mumbling again.)

CLAIRE
Yeah, maybe she should. I think this is getting ridiculous. We know what happened, she knows what happened because it happened to her, and she needs some really good therapy.  Lets get it started and get on with it.

STEVE (raising his voice)
Why are you so cold about all of this?  Anything that involves any kind of emotional investment of more than a day or two you just can’t handle.

CLAIRE
Don’t yell at me, Steve.

STEVE (ignoring her, continued raised voice)
You just completely shut off any emotional commitment.  How are you even married?

CLAIRE
Great question, but not appropriate for right now.  Lower your voice!

STEVE
You did the same thing after Mom and Dad died. You had a complete meltdown with me on the phone when you called to me what happened, and then you turned into Sunny Sally through the rest of it.  Flirting with the police officer a the morgue. Finding some way to completely disassociate when we viewed their remains. Chirping away about flowers and casket colors when we met with the funeral home.  You just turned the whole thing into some fashion show.

CLAIRE
Somebody had to manage all of that!  You and Julia were worthless!  You cried through everything and she just stared off into space with a scowl on her face.  What did you think it was all going to happen by itself?

STEVE
That’s not the point!  You didn’t even seem upset after that first day they were gone! 

CLAIRE
You know what?  I wasn’t upset!  I was relieved!  I was relieved that they were gone! 

STEVE
You’re happy that Mom and Dad are dead?  Is that really what you just said?

CLAIRE
NO, STEVE, THAT IS NOT WHAT I JUST SAID!

STEVE
YOU JUST SAID—

CLAIRE
I SAID I WAS RELIEVED.  THERE’S A DIFFERENCE, OK?  A BIG DIFFERENCE.

(Through this last exchange, Julia has become more agitated, but Steve and Claire don’t notice.)

CLAIRE
DO YOU KNOW WHY I WAS RELIEVED? I was relieved because I’m tired of pretending that Mom and Dad did such a good job. Look at her! She is incapacitated right now because Mom and Dad didn’t do their job.

STEVE
Mom and Dad did their job, Claire! They made a mistake!

CLAIRE
They ignored what Uncle Steve did!

STEVE
They didn’t know!

CLAIRE
They knew, they ignored it, and didn’t do anything! And because she suffered we all suffered.

STEVE
I don’t think we suffered. You’re just making stuff up now because you’re feeling sorry for yourself and you’re trying to justify you’re crazy awful feeling about Mom and Dad.  

CLAIRE
I’m not hiding my feelings anymore, Steve. They’re gone and I can’t hurt them by telling the truth. Mom and Dad failed Julia. Don’t you get that? 

(Julia calms down at this point and she opens her eyes. She is coming out to. Finally.)

STEVE
You think you’re such a great parent. So perfect. We both know that your marriage is a mess, so how are you so sure that you know everything that goes on in your house?

CLAIRE
I know what goes on with my kid and my husband in my house and it’s none of your damned business!

JULIA (barely audible)
Claire?

STEVE
And your drinking makes it all really clear I’m sure!

CLAIRE
Shut up, Steve.

STEVE
Why?

JULIA (barely audible)
Steve?

CLAIRE
Because you’re starting to say things you’ll regret later.

STEVE
You started doing that already, so don’t worry about what I’m saying.

JULIA (louder this time)
Claire?

(Claire turns to see Julia. She goes to the bed.)

CLAIRE
What?  Julia?  What?

JULIA
Why are you yelling?

CLAIRE
Oh my God, she’s awake!

STEVE
Julia? Julia, it’s Steve!

CLAIRE
Don’t yell, for god’s sake. (To Julia) Are you ok, Honey?

JULIA
Where am I?

STEVE
You’re in the hospital.

JULIA (getting a little agitated, trying to sit up more)
What?  Why am I in the—

CLAIRE
Just rest, Honey.  Just lie back and rest. (To Steve) Go tell someone she’s awake.

(Steve exists the room to get a nurse.)

JULIA
Why were you guys yelling about Mom and Dad?

CLAIRE
It was nothing.  We were just having an argument.  You know how we are.

JULIA
You two never argue.

CLAIRE
Well we started today.  It’s a new thing in our old age.

(Julia smiles weakly.)

JULIA
My mouth is really dry.

CLAIRE (grabbing for some ice chips or water)
Here, how about some cold water?

(Claire holds the cup and straw up to her mouth and Julia takes a sip.)

CLAIRE
Better?

(Julia nods her head.  Claire puts the glass down. Steve comes back in the room.)

STEVE
They’re paging the doctor. She said to call as soon as Julia was awake. 

JULIA
Why am I in here?

CLAIRE
You had a little bit of a spell, Julia. We wanted to make sure everything was ok.

JULIA
How long have I been here?

STEVE
Like a week?

JULIA
Oh, gosh. Did you call Jim?

CLAIRE
Jim?

JULIA
My boss, Jim. He must be freaking out.

(Claire and Steve look at each other.)

CLAIRE
Honey, I thought your boss’ name was Heidi.

JULIA
Heidi?  No, it’s Jim Shaw. You know, he came to the house that time.

(Claire looks at Steve. Steve shrugs his shoulders.)

JULIA
Where’s Mom and Dad?

STEVE
Julia?

CLAIRE
Uh, Honey, Mom and Dad aren’t here.  They’re—

JULIA
Why not? Did they go on another trip again?  They just got back from Seattle.

CLAIRE
Uh, right, yeah, they are on another trip.

JULIA
They just left me? Like this?

CLAIRE
No, no.  Oh no, they wouldn’t do that. 

(Steve looks at Claire with a bit of apprehension. Claire looks confused, then realizes something.)

CLAIRE
Sweetie, the doctor told me to ask you a couple of questions when you woke up, just to see how you’re feeling. Is that ok?

(Julia nods her head.)

CLAIRE
OK.  So can you tell me who the president is?

JULIA
Bill Clinton.

STEVE
What?

CLAIRE
Shush, Steve.  And, Honey, how old are you?

JULIA
23.

CLAIRE
OK.  OK.  Yes.  OK, that’s all the doctor wanted me to ask.

JULIA
OK. You better make sure that someone calls Jim Shaw.  I don’t want to lose my job at the agency.

STEVE
I’ll call him, Julia. Don’t worry, OK?

JULIA
OK.  Thanks.  Can I just be quiet for awhile? I feel really tired.

CLAIRE
Sure, Sweetie.  Just lie back and rest, OK.  The doctor’s gonna be here any minute to talk with you, so rest up.

JULIA
OK.  And maybe we can call Mom and Dad later?

CLAIRE
OK. We can try.  We can try.

(Claire looks at Steve as the lights fade out.  End of scene.)

At Capacity--Scene 17: An awkward phone call

(Cassie is walking quickly across the stage, handbag over her shoulder, and she is being pursued by Marc, rolling a small suitcase behind him. It’s mid-morning.)

CASSIE (as she’s walking)
Forget it! Just forget it, OK?

MARC
Why are you being like this? I came one more time to try and--

CASSIE
Forget all that ever happened and just get out of here!

MARC
But—

CASSIE (turning to him)
I need to get to work to prep for the lunch shift and you need to catch your plane.

MARC
Why are you not returning my texts or calls?

CASSIE
Why do you think?

MARC
I don’t know.

CASSIE
Uh, I think her name is Sarah?

MARC
I told you that she doesn't—

CASSIE
I know what you told me.

MARC
So why don’t you just go with it?

CASSIE
“Just go with it?”  You want me to just go with it?

MARC
Yeah, that’s all between Sarah and I. I told you that it’s an open relationship and she’s fine with it.

CASSIE
Why am I supposed to believe that?

MARC
Why are you not supposed to believe it?

CASSIE
Because I don’t think that you’re telling me the truth.

MARC
Cassie—

CASSIE
Why should I believe that it's OK with this person that you’re in a relationship with?  Why should I believe that?

MARC
Because I don’t lie.

CASSIE
And I should just accept that?  I should just accept your word after—

MARC
After what?

CASSIE
After what?  After going back up to your room with Claire, for one.

MARC
Omigod, I told you that didn’t happen. She couldn’t manage it all and left.

CASSIE
But you were gonna go through with it.

MARC
Yes, I was!  Why are you such a prude about all of it?

CASSIE
I’m not being a prude! I’m just being realistic!

MARC
You're being a prude! Just because I'm comfortable in my own skin and I--

CASSIE
Why should I think that being with you would be any different than being with some other guy who’s getting into all these people’s pants?

MARC
Because I’m honest about it?

CASSIE
What?

MARC
Because I’m honest about it. Do you know anyone else who’s honest about what they want? Honest about how their relationship works? And it's not just about getting into someone's pants.

CASSIE
You think you’re being honest?

MARC
I don’t think I’m being honest, Cassie. I know I’m being honest.

(Cassie just looks at Marc. He looks back. Then he takes his phone out of pocket and holds it out to her.)

CASSIE
What?

MARC
Call her.

CASSIE
Call who?

MARC
Sarah.

CASSIE
I’m not calling Sarah.

MARC
Why not?  She’s happy to talk to you. 

CASSIE
You’re crazy. Now you’re trying to sabotage your relationship with her or you’re trying to hurt her or something. I'm not participating in that.

MARC
I told her all about you last night. She said she’s happy to talk with you.

CASSIE
You’re lying.

MARC
I’m not.

(Marc holds out the phone to her. Cassie looks at it.)

MARC
Why are you so afraid to find out that I’m not lying?

CASSIE
I’m not afraid, I’m just—

MARC
Or that the way that you think relationships work isn’t how they work for everybody?

CASSIE
I don’t think relationships work the same for everybody. I just don’t think that you can have a relationship where two people are open to having other people in their relationship.

MARC
Why not?

CASSIE
Because it doesn’t work.

MARC
Have you tried it?

CASSIE
No, but—

MARC
Then how do you know?

CASSIE
I JUST KNOW, OK?  I just know.

(Marc puts the phone back in his pocket.)

MARC
How?

CASSIE
Christ, would you just give it up?

MARC
How do you know?

CASSIE
Why can’t you just leave and get on your plane and go back to Sarah?

MARC
That’s not how I work. I don’t just walk away from things I want.

CASSIE
So you want me now? It makes me sound like some sort of object that you can purchase or something?

MARC
You will twist everything I say into something that makes me sound negative, but it’s not going to change how I feel. I’m way stronger than that.

(Cassie turns to walk away again.)

MARC
The least you can do is answer my question.

CASSIE (turning on him)
You wanna know how I know?

MARC
Yeah, I—

CASSIE
I know because my boyfriend was a complete prick when he found out I was pregnant with his baby and then he left me. Left me completely alone. No help. No attention. Then started dating another girl two months later. They're married now.  OK?  That's one reason how I know.

MARC
I don’t have to leave.

CASSIE
And Claire, that bitch of a teacher, she did nothing to help me when it happened. NOTHING. All she did was make life worse for me. Every chance she had she brought it up. In class. At National Honor Society meetings. To my mom during parent-teacher conferences. Everybody knew. I was showing, but she just kept bringing it up.

MARC
Claire is damaged beyond repair. You’re not.

CASSIE
You’ve known me for four days.

MARC
And?

CASSIE
You know nothing about me.

MARC
I know some things. And there are lots of things that I know that I like. 

CASSIE
I don’t trust you or anyone else at this point.

MARC
Now, I don’t believe that.

CASSIE
It’s true.

MARC
Do you trust your kid?

CASSIE
Leave her out of this.

MARC
Why?  It seems like a pretty important part of it.  Of you.

CASSIE
I don’t talk about her with anyone other than people who know me really well.

MARC
And?

(Cassie just looks at Marc.)

MARC

I’m not afraid of knowing you really well, and I’m not afraid of you knowing me. I’ve already told you a lot, shown you a lot.

(Cassie nods her head.)

MARC
And you seemed to like a lot of it.

(Cassie nods her head again.)

MARC
So?

(Marc holds out the phone to Cassie. She looks at him, turns away and scoffs, then looks back.)

CASSIE
Seriously?

(Marc just stands there with his hand outstretched.  Cassie looks at the phone again and takes it from his hand. She looks at the screen.)

CASSIE
Is this her number?

(Marc nods his head.)

CASSIE
I can’t believe I’m doing this.

MARC
She’s expecting the call.

(Cassie looks at the phone and looks at him.  She clicks the phone as if to dial the number.  She brings the phone to her ear.)

CASSIE (slightly surprised when someone picks up on the other end)
Hello?

(Lights fade out. End of scene.)

CASSIE (as she’s walking)
Forget it! Just forget it, OK?

MARC

Why are you being like this?

CASSIE

Forget all that ever happened and just get out of here!

MARC
But—

CASSIE (turning to him)

I need to get to work to prep for the lunch shift and you need to catch your plane.

MARC
Why are you not returning my texts or calls?

CASSIE
Why do you think?

MARC
I don’t know.

CASSIE
Uh, I think her name is Sarah?

MARC
I told you that—

CASSIE
I know what you told me.

MARC
So why don’t you just go with it?

CASSIE
“Just go with it?”  You want me to just go with it?

MARC
Yeah, that’s all between Sarah and I. I told you that it’s an open relationship and she’s fine with it.

CASSIE
Why am I supposed to believe that?

MARC
Why are you not supposed to believe it?

CASSIE
Because I don’t think that you’re telling me the truth.

MARC

Cassie—

CASSIE

Why should I believe that this is OK with this person that you’re in a relationship with?  Why should I believe that?

MARC
Because I don’t lie.

CASSIE
And I should just accept that?  I should just accept your word after—

MARC
After what?

CASSIE
After what?  After going back up to your room with Claire, for one.

MARC
Omigod, I told you that didn’t happen. She couldn’t manage it all and left.

CASSIE
But you were gonna go through with it.

MARC
Yes, I was!  Why are you such a prude about all of this?

CASSIE
I’m not being a prude! I’m just being realistic! Why should I think that being with you would be any different than being with some other guy who’s getting into all these people’s pants?

MARC
Because I’m honest about it?

CASSIE
What?

MARC
Because I’m honest about it. Do you know anyone else who’s honest about what they want? Honest about how their relationship works?

CASSIE

You think you’re being honest?

MARC
I don’t think I’m being honest, Cassie. I know I’m being honest.

(Cassie just looks at Marc. He looks back. Then he takes his phone out of pocket and holds it out to her.)

CASSIE
What?

MARC
Call her.

CASSIE
Call who?

MARC
Sarah.

CASSIE
I’m not calling Sarah.

MARC
Why not?  She’s happy to talk to you. 

CASSIE
You’re crazy. Now you’re trying to sabotage your relationship or you’re trying to hurt her or something.

MARC
I told her all about you last night. She said she’s happy to talk with you.

CASSIE
You’re lying.

MARC
I’m not.

(Marc holds out the phone to her. Cassie looks at it.)

MARC
Why are you so afraid to find out that I’m not lying?

CASSIE
I’m not afraid, I’m just—

MARC
Or that the way that you think relationships work isn’t how they work for everybody?

CASSIE
I don’t think relationships work the same way for everybody. I just don’t think that you can have a relationship where two people are open to having other people in the relationship.

MARC
Why not?

CASSIE
Because it doesn’t work.

MARC
Have you tried it?

CASSIE
No, but—

MARC
Then how do you know?

CASSIE
I JUST KNOW OK?  I just know.

(Marc puts the phone back in his pocket.)

MARC
How?

CASSIE
Christ, would you just give up?

MARC
How do you know?

CASSIE
Why can’t you just leave and get on your plane and go back to Sarah?

MARC
That’s not how I work. I don’t just walk away from things that I want.

CASSIE

So you want me now? It makes me sound like some sort of object that you can purchase or something?

MARC
You will twist everything I say into something that makes me sound negative, but it’s not going to change how I feel. I’m way stronger than that in my convictions.

(Cassie turns to walk away again.)

MARC
The least you can do is answer my question.

CASSIE (turning on him)
You wanna know how I know?

MARC
Yeah, I—

CASSIE
I know because my boyfriend was a complete prick when he found out I was pregnant with his baby and then he left.

MARC
I don’t have to leave.

CASSIE
And Claire, that bitch of a teacher, she did nothing to help me when it happened.  NOTHING.  All she did was make life worse for me. Every chance she had she brought it up. In class. At National Honor Society meetings. To my mom during parent-teacher conferences. Everybody knew. I was showing, but she just kept bringing it up.

MARC
Claire is damaged beyond repair. You’re not.

CASSIE
You’ve known me for four days.

MARC
And?

CASSIE
You know nothing about me.

MARC
I know some things. And there are lots of things that I know that I like. 

CASSIE

I don’t trust anyone.

MARC
Now, I don’t believe that.

CASSIE
It’s true.

MARC
Do you trust your kid?

CASSIE

Leave that out of this.

MARC
Why?  It seems like a pretty important part of it.  Of you.

CASSIE
I don’t talk about her with anyone other than people who know me really well.

MARC
And?

(Cassie just looks at Marc.)

MARC

I’m not afraid of knowing you really well, and I’m not afraid of you knowing me. I’ve already told you a lot, shown you a lot.

(Cassie nods her head.)

MARC
And you seemed to like a lot of it.

(Cassie nods her head again.)

MARC

So?

(Marc holds out the phone to Cassie. She looks at him, turns away and scoffs, then looks back.)

CASSIE
Seriously?

(Marc just stands there with his hand outstretched.  Cassie looks at the phone again and takes it from his hand. She looks at the screen.)

CASSIE
Is this her number?

(Marc nods his head.)

CASSIE
I can’t believe I’m doing this.

MARC
She’s expecting the call.

(Cassie looks at the phone and looks at him.  She clicks the phone as if to dial the number.  She brings the phone to her ear.)

CASSIE (slightly surprised when someone picks up on the other end)
Hello?

(Lights fade out. End of scene.)

At Capacity--Scene 16: Sort of coming to

(Lights up on Julia’s hospital room. Steve is sitting by Julia’s bed. She is stirring, rolling around as if she’s waking up.  She’s murmuring.)

(JULIA (unintelligible sounds, then…)
…you deserve it…

STEVE
Julia?

(Steve gets up and goes over to her bedside.  Julia doesn’t hear him.)

JULIA
…you deserve it…

STEVE
What are you talking about?

JULIA (getting a bit louder)
You deserve it!

STEVE
Who deserves what? I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.

JULIA (sitting up straight in bed)
YOU DESERVE IT!

STEVE
DESERVE WHAT?

JULIA
WHAT? . . . WHAT WHAT WHAT?

(Julia is yelling now. Her eyes are open. She can’t see Steve, but she responds to his voice whenever he says something. It doesn’t necessarily make sense, but she responds.)

STEVE (changing tactics)
Julia, it’s Steve. Your brother, Steve. Can you hear me?

JULIA
ME!  ME ME ME!

STEVE
Julia, do you know where you are? 

JULIA
WHERE?  WHERE WHERE WHERE!

STEVE
My God…

JULIA
WHERE? WHERE WHERE WHERE!

STEVE
Never mind…

(Steve walks back to the chair and slumps down. Julia realizes that he’s not there anymore. She tries to shake herself awake, shake herself out of this state of mind, but she can’t get out of it. Steve watches her struggle, struggle with her head and struggle with the restraints on her arms. He gets up to start to go to her.)

JULIA
NO?  NO NO NO?

STEVE
What do you want me to do?

JULIA
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

(Steve stops. He just looks at her, waiting for her next words.)

JULIA
HELP!  HELP HELP HELP!

STEVE
Julia?

JULIA
HELP HELP HELP HELP

STEVE (talking slowly, trying to get her to understand)
JULIA, I’M RIGHT HERE.  IT’S STEVE, YOU’RE BROTHER. STEVE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

JULIA
NO STEVE! NO UNCLE STEVE! BAD. MOMMY! NO!

STEVE
Oh God…  NO, JULIA. IT’S ALRIGHT. IT’S JUST ME. STEVE. YOUR BROTHER. NO UNCLE STEVE.

JULIA (hands over her face)
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

STEVE
Shit…  NO, HE’S NOT HERE. IT’S JUST ME. YOUR BROTHER.

JULIA
BROTHER? BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER

STEVE
YES, yes, your brother. Your twin brother.

JULIA
TWIN BROTHER.  BROTHER BROther brother.

(Julia is beginning to calm down. She leans back in the bed. Steve starts to move towards her bed, slowly.)

STEVE
Yes. BRU-THER. YOUR. TWIN. BROTHER. STEVE. Just me. No one else right now. Claire’s out.

JULIA
SISTER? SISTER SISTER SISTER?

STEVE
Yes, our sister. Claire. She’s out right now, but she’ll be back soon.

JULIA (takes a deep breath, then)
…Claire…

STEVE
Right, Claire. That’s right. She’s Claire, and I’m Steve. You’re brother.  And who are you?

JULIA (takes a moment, then)
…Julia…

STEVE
Right. Exactly. You’re Julia. (he pauses for a moment and takes her in) And who’s older?

JULIA
You. You you you.

STEVE (smiling and relieved at her progress)
And don’t you forget it!

(Steve laughs at his own joke, and Julia kind of smiles.)

JULIA
Forget it. Forget forget forget it.

(Julia closes her eyes, and she’s back to sleep, leaving Steve to just stand and look at her. Perplexed by what just happened. But hopeful. Lights out. End of scene.)

At Capacity--Scene 15: Predictions

(Claire is alone smoking a cigarette. Outside in late afternoon, at sunset. She’s in a cemetery, standing over the burial plots of her parents. She takes a puff of the cigarette, inhales deeply, and then blows the smoke out slowly.)

CLAIRE (to herself)

So what do we do now?

(Claire looks down at the plots. Takes another puff. Blows out. Waits. Asks again but this time directs it to the plots.)

So what do we do now? (no answer) Hello? . . . Anybody home? . . . The least you two could do is send a little advice from beyond. You know, like a “Keep going, Claire! We’ve got your back.” Or how about a “Keep your chin up, Claire! It’ll all get better soon!”

(She waits for a response. Nothing. Takes a puff of the cigarette. Holds it in. Lets it out. Drops the cigarette, rubs it out, takes a pack and a lighter from her pocket, and lights another one. Puts them back in her pocket. Looks at the plots.)

I know. . . . I know, I know, I know. These things are gonna kill me. I know. That’s what you always said, Dad, and I stopped for a long time. But since you’ve been gone, things have gotten pretty rough around here, so old habits come back hard. (Claire waits for a response. Nothing.) You know, you two really did it this time. You really made a mess of everything. I mean a giant mess. Not just a little mess that’s just taking awhile to clean up, but something that’s not going away anytime soon no matter which way I scrub it.

(Claire takes a puff of the cigarette and just looks at the graves in silence.)

You know, I’m starting to think you two did this on purpose. Steve and I have both told you a zillion times to wear your seat belts and you just don’t listen. And then you go driving late at night on a dark road that you know has a lot of curves. All sorts of curves. And it’s snowing, of course, because you two have to go shopping when it’s snowing. We’ve told you about that too, but you just do whatever the hell you want with complete disregard for the consequences. You just don’t care. Snowy curve, slick spot, going just a little too fast, not paying attention because you’re singing along to the goddamned Christmas fucking music and whammo.  WHAMMO!

(Claire smashes her hands together, drops the cigarette, picks it up, takes a drag, and continues.)

Whammo. And it’s over. You two are over. Late 60s, retired, shouldn’t have a care in the world, and you two wrap yourselves around a fucking tree in the middle of a light snow at 10:30 at night. (Claire takes a drag.) What were you thinking? Huh? Did you really have to do this now? (She waits for an answer. Nothing.) People say that it’s really great to talk to dead people, say the things you wanted to say while they were alive but you didn’t say them. Somebody else told me to write you a letter. (Claire scoffs at this and takes another drag.) I tried the letter part, and I got three sentences in and stopped. “Dear Mom and Dad, how are you? How is heaven? I hope good. Things are the same here--  That’s where it got dicey. Cause things are not the same here, and I’ve never been a good liar. I never lied to you very well, you always knew when I was lying and it made for a really shitty childhood. No sneaking around for me. I was too much of an open book. I hate being a crap liar. Lying can be really useful I find. Sometimes.

(Claire takes a drag off of the cigarette. Thinks about what she just said. Makes a connection and begins to lecture her parents a bit.)

You see, it’s kinda like what you did about Uncle Steve all these years, you just kinda lied and pretended none of it happened, and as long as you two were alive, we just all pretended too. “Don’t talk about it and it never happened. Don’t look Julia in the eye when she comes home for Christmas, and it never happened. Don’t tell Steve that he’s named after a child molester, and it never happened. (Claire finishes the cigarette and tosses the butt to the ground.) Do you two have any idea what a mess you’ve left behind? Do you? (No answer.)  DO YOU? Well. lemme tell you. Julia is completely lost, like in a psych ward, Steve is about to have a breakdown, and I’m—Well, I’m--  You know what?  I’m trying to hold them together and self-destructing at the same time. It’s just great. Feels swell, Mom and Dad. Just like old times. Just like old times. . . . .  When you two were alive, we all just pretended so we wouldn’t upset you. We knew that upsetting you was a bad choice, but the consequences don’t seem to be much better for all of us since you up and left us here to deal with the aftermath. . . . You fucking left us here to deal with the aftermath of that ugly, ugly secret, that neither of you would ever acknowledge. . . .  That’s why Julia never came home. Stopped coming home for birthdays, holidays, and then just stopped all together. Sure, she said it was because of work and the long hours and dealing with the holiday shifts, but that wasn’t the truth. She had to stop coming home because that house has so many bad memories buzzing in it that she can’t stay sane when she’s in there. And so you two up and die and then she has to come home. She makes it through your funeral and all the people saying how wonderful you both were, and she never says a word to contradict that. After what you did to her, she still smiles and sheds tears and pretends that the two of you were these amazing parents. All three of us did. Steve didn’t know any better, so no loss of energy for him, but Julia and I? We had to be Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren at your wake.  And you two just laid there and soaked it all in. Not a peep. No confession, no acknowledgement, no afterlife signs. Just those sewed up still lips, just like in real life, but this time without the smile to go along with it.

(Claire thinks about this for a moment, and she gets angry.)

How could you do it?  HOW COULD YOU JUST LET THAT HAPPEN TO JULIA? OVER AND OVER AGAIN? WHY WAS THAT OK FOR UNCLE STEVE TO DO IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

(Claire is crying now. She tries to collect herself, but it’s not much use.)

He did that stuff to Julia for eight years. And you just ignored it. She tried to tell you. I tried to tell you. But you two just acted like we were blowing it all out of proportion. “He doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s just tickling her.” She tried to tell you it hurt. I tried to tell you that one time how red she was “down there” like raw from whatever he did to her, and you, Mom, you told Julia to stop rubbing herself! I mean, how could you? How could you blame it on Julia?  She didn’t do anything! And then you did nothing to help her. NOTHING!

(Claire turns and starts to walk away, like she’s had enough, but she stops and comes back.)

And now that you’re gone, the dam just broke and the flood’s bearing down on all of us. I’m not sure how much longer Julia’s gonna be here, and if she ends up where you are, you two better watch out. She’ll come after you with a vengeance, and I don’t blame her. I don’t know where you are, if you’re anywhere at all, but if she finds you, it’s not gonna be pretty, not pretty at all. She’s got a lot to say, and I doubt you’re gonna be ready to hear it. But you both deserve it. After what you did to her, to all of us, and then left us like this, you deserve whatever she has to say and then some. You deserve it.

(Claire takes one last look at the plots, turns to go, then turns back and picks up the cigarette butts that she had left behind. She walks off as the lights fade. End of scene.)