Serial Play--entry #4: Dropsies

LORI (changing the subject)
Hey, Gary, can I have one of those snacks?

GARY
Sure! (He jumps up and moves over to Lori in the armchair. She takes a snack and pops it in her mouth.)

LORI (mouth full)
These are fantastic!

GARY
My mother’s great aunt made these 80 years ago. Total secret. No one outside of the family has the recipe.

LORI (after the final swallow)
How do we change that?

ALEX (taking one)
Don’t even try. He won’t let me in the kitchen when he’s making them, and I have no idea where he keeps the recipe.

LORI (taking another)
Seriously?

GARY
For real. It’s all up here (touching his head).

LORI (to Jennifer, before eating her next one)
You should really have one. They’re incredible.

(Gary holds out the plate and Jennifer takes a snack.  She likes it.)

JENNIFER (after swallowing)
Really good. So cheesy. And light at the same time.

LORI
Right? I can’t tell what the cheese is, but it’s so good.

ALEX
I think it’s manchego, but he tells me—

GARY
Now why in the world would an 80-year old recipe from my Jewish aunt have manchego cheese in it?

ALEX
There were Jews in Spain, and I’m sure it’s not the only place where—

JENNIFER
Actually, it’s only made in the La Mancha region of Spain.

GARY
“La Mancha” like as in “Man of”?

JENNIFER
Yeah, you could say that. It’s where Don Quixote was set.

ALEX
Only musical theatre references work with Gary. 

GARY
Hey!

ALEX
What?

GARY
You make me sound like some raging homosexual stereotype.

ALEX
Well?

GARY
That's not fair!

ALEX
You are way more likely to recognize something literary if it can be cross-referenced to something from the American musical theatre canon. I’m not judging, just stating a fact.

GARY
But—

ALEX (to Lori)
Based on the time we spent together, am I wrong?

LORI
I’m not touching any of this with a ten-foot pole. Can I have one more?

(Gary moves over to Lori, who takes the last one off the plate and pops it in her mouth. After she swallows…)

LORI
I agree with Alex. I would guess manchego.

JENNIFER
It’s not manchego.

LORI
How do you know?

JENNIFER
Cheese made from sheep’s milk tastes different the cheese in there.

ALEX
You know that after eating just one?

JENNIFER
I do.  Manchego is made from sheep’s milk.

GARY
She’s right.  It’s not manchego. 

ALEX
How do you know so much about manchego?

JENNIFER
I spent some time in that part of Spain.

LORI
You did?  When?

JENNIFER
Awhile back. Actually a long time ago.

GARY
When were you there?  Alex and I went to Spain a couple of summers ago, and we loved it!

JENNIFER
My parents took us when I was in 5th grade.  My brother was in 3rd.

GARY
Wow! Do you speak Spanish?

JENNIFER
A little.

ALEX
How long were you there?

JENNIFER
About nine months, I think.  It was a long time ago, and I—

LORI
Why didn’t you ever tell me this?

JENNIFER
It never came up?

LORI
Seems like it should’ve.

JENNIFER
It’s not a big deal.

ALEX
Why were you there for nine months?

JENNIFER
Uh, well, my dad was a visiting professor at the University of Castillo there, and he brought us along.  My parents thought it would be a good experience.

(A bell goes off in the kitchen.)

GARY
Sounds like a great way to spend 5th grade! Manchego cheese and all! I better check on dinner.

(Gary exits with the empty plate.)

LORI
That’s really cool!

JENNIFER
It was ok.

LORI
Hold on! Is that why your parents have that painting in their living room? That one that looks like it’s from Spain and—

JENNIFER
Yeah, they bought it when we were there. 

LORI
I’ve always loved that painting. I should have asked earlier.

ALEX
So when you left school here for a year, did you come back behind?

JENNIFER
What do you mean?

ALEX
Like behind the rest of the kids?  Did you have to repeat a grade or anything?

JENNIFER
Oh no, my mom home schooled us while we were there, and it was pretty typical to spend a year traveling.  Lots of kids did it at my school.

ALEX
Sounds like some school. That reminds me, you never answered my question.

JENNIFER
What?

ALEX
Do you teach where you were taught?

(Jennifer takes a drink of her water, side glances to Lori, and then replies with an uncomfortable smile.)

JENNIFER
No. I don’t.

ALEX
So where did you—

LORI
Alex, I’ve been meaning to ask you about your—

(Suddenly there’s a very loud crashing sound in the kitchen. Gary howls and yells, and everyone jumps up.)

ALEX (overlapping)
What the--?

LORI (overlapping)
Are you ok?

JENNIFER (overlapping)
Do you need help?

GARY (offstage)
SHIIIIIIT!

ALEX (running to the kitchen)
Gary, what’s going on? (offstage) JESUS CHRIST!

LORI (moving towards the kitchen, stopping short)
Oh geez…

(Jennifer moves up next to Lori, as Gary walks out of the kitchen with some kind of food all down his front.)

JENNIFER
Oh. Uh. Wow. Gosh, are you ok?

GARY
I’m fine.

LORI
Did you burn yourself?

GARY
I’m fine. The dinner’s not, but I’m fine.

(Alex comes out of the kitchen with dirty, gloppy paper towels.)

ALEX
Don’t just stand there, Gary, there’s food and broken glass all over the floor!

GARY
I know, Alex, for Christ’s sake, don’t you think I know that?  The dinner is all over me too.

ALEX
How the fuck did you manage to drop it?

GARY
I don’t know…

ALEX
How can you not know? Did you slip or something?

GARY
I think the pot holder slipped as I was moving it to the cooling rack, and it just fell.

ALEX
I tell you all the time to be careful with this stuff, and you just flit around and hum your little cooking songs, and then we end up with this mess. 

GARY
Would you just shut up about it? I feel awful as it is.

ALEX
Yeah, well what are we gonna do now?  We have guests here, GARY! We invited THEM to dinner.

LORI
Guys, guys, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.  Let’s just get this cleaned up, and we’ll order in or something. I’m sure there’s a good Chinese place in this neighborhood.  Or Thai or something like that?  It’s fine.  We're not fussy, right?

JENNIFER (moving to help Gary)
Totally.  It’s fine.  Don't worry

GARY
But I made this special cauliflower parmesan especially because I knew you don’t eat meat. I found the recipe in the Times, and I even tested it and—

ALEX
You heard what they said.  Just stop the whining and let’s get this cleaned up.

LORI
How about I help you in the kitchen?

GARY
No, really, I should—

LORI
I do this all the time. Remember the drop cloth?  Right, Jennifer?

JENNIFER
Trust me, this is nothing compared to what Lori can do.

LORI (to Alex)
C’mon.

(Alex and Lori exit into the kitchen.)

JENNIFER
We should really get this shirt into some cold water. It’s going to stain.

GARY
I will never hear the end of this. He will never let me hear the end of this.

JENNIFER
It’s not a big deal.

GARY
He hates it when I make these kinds of mistakes. He loves to keep score on stuff like this.  He’ll just add this to the long list of transgressions. 

JENNIFER
Uh, I think this needs to get into some cold water or you’ll have to hear about ruining your shirt too.

GARY
Yeah. OK. (He gets up to go towards the hallway.) I’m really so sorry.

JENNIFER
It’s so OK.

GARY
I feel like we’re making a really bad impression.

JENNIFER
Not at all.

GARY
Lori spoke so highly of you when we were—

JENNIFER
That’s nice.

GARY
You’re just like she said you were. That night. It’s all she really kept saying over and over again.

JENNIFER
Uh, thanks, I guess?

(Gary smiles at her, takes her hands, and gives them a squeeze.  Then he turns and goes to the hallway. Jennifer is left alone on stage for a moment, taking in the whole scene. Deep breath and moves towards the kitchen, but Lori comes out first, wiping her hands on a dish towel.)

LORI
Wow.

JENNIFER
How’s it going in there?

LORI
It’s a real mess.

(Alex comes out of the kitchen, goes to a small closet and pulls out a dustpan, brush, and small vacuum cleaner.)

ALEX (heading back into kitchen)
Apologies in advance for the noise. I need to get the glass up.

JENNIFER (after Alex is out of ear shot)
Sounds like this has happened before.

LORI
Yeah, I got a real earful in the kitchen while we were wiping up.

JENNIFER
Should we just go?

LORI
God, no.  I think that'll just make it worse.

JENNIFER
You’re probably right.

LORI
Although it may be a long evening. Is Gary OK?

JENNIFER
Hard to tell. I told him to get his shirt into some cold water.

LORI
Good idea. You always have the good ideas. (She kisses Jennifer lightly, lovingly.)

JENNIFER
I try.

(They smile at each other and kiss again.)

JENNIFER
Gary said that I’m just like you said I’d be.  What did you tell them I’d be like?

(At this moment, the vacuum goes on in the kitchen. Lori smiles, shrugs her shoulders, and kisses Jennifer again.)

Serial Play-entry #3: You teach where?

GARY
It was a total coincidence that I had to be in Boston the same day for a deposition. And Lori was there promoting her new book. All of us were supposed to be on that train, and for some reason, the three of us didn’t make it.

ALEX
And we weren’t the only ones. The traffic getting to the train station was awful for some reason, and about 30 people missed that train. We were all standing around, pissed at Boston traffic and pissed at Amtrak for being on time for once, and then the board just started showing all trains as “Delayed.” Then they made an announcement that train traffic to New York had been suspended until further notice, and mass chaos broke out.

LORI
That’s when you called and told me what you were seeing on the news.

GARY
And that’s how we found out that the train we were supposed to be on had derailed.

(There is silence as the four of them take in what Gary has said. Lori sits down in the chair with her drink, the weight of the memory being a little too much for her. Alex is the first to break the silence.)

ALEX
Hey, didn’t we agree that we wouldn’t spend tonight talking about THAT night. At least that’s what it said in the email that I got. And what’s a girl gotta do to get a drink around here? Gary? Can I get a drink please?

GARY
Only if the ladies agree to stay.

ALEX
The purpose of tonight was for us to get to know Jennifer. Right?

GARY
Right.

(Lori looks up at Jennifer who is closest to the door.)

JENNIFER
I don’t know. I feel like I already made a pretty bad impression.

GARY
You? Oh for Pete’s sake, Lady. We didn’t hear the buzzer, my husband introduced himself in his underwear with his junk out front under the hood instead of in the trunk--

ALEX
Gary?  Really?

GARY
--and we’re discussing our near death experience like a deleted scene from Steel Magnolias. All we need is Sally Field to buzz up, and it’ll be a real humdinger.  YOU, my dear, have not made a bad impression in the least.

LORI
How can you resist that many over-the-top references in so few breaths?

JENNIFER
It was pretty good. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard a decent Steel Magnolias reference.

ALEX
Please don’t encourage him. After a couple of drinks he’ll recite the movie for you if you pay him any more compliments.

JENNIFER
Got it. I’ll be careful.  (she turns to Lori)  Sorry. You know how I get.

LORI
Oh, I do. And it’s fine. Let’s just start again with the conversation, and I’m doing to let you do the introducing of you.

GARY
Exactly. On that note, get started with that introducing, and I’ll get drinks for us.

(Gary exits to the kitchen and we hear the cocktails being mixed over the next few lines before his entrance. Alex motions for Jennifer to have a seat on the couch, and he sits at the other end.)

ALEX
So I know that Lori teaches sociology and writes books. She said that you were a teacher, but I can’t remember of what. (To Lori) Did we talk about that?

LORI
I think I said Jennifer was a teacher, but that night—

ALEX
Oh yeah, which I just said we weren’t gonna talk about.

LORI
Check. (she drinks)

ALEX
So you’re a teacher?

JENNIFER
Uh, well, yeah, but not at a university or anything.

ALEX
Yeah? So what do you teach?

JENNIFER
I teach 3rd grade at a private school on the Upper East Side.

ALEX
Nice! Which one?  There’re so many up there.  Brearley, Dalton, Hunter..?

JENNIFER
Hunter’s actually a public school.

ALEX
Oh, I thought it was private.

JENNIFER
Lots of people think it is, but it’s public. Part of the CUNY system and connected to Hunter College.

ALEX
Got it. So where then?

JENNIFER
Where what?

ALEX
Where do you teach?

LORI
She teaches atConvent of the Sacred Heart.

JENNIFER
Lori!

LORI
What?

ALEX
Huh! That’s a really fancy school!

JENNIFER
It’s just—

ALEX
Sometimes I walk past it on my way to a meeting on that side of town for one of my clients. Beautiful building. Or actually a couple of buildings, right?

JENNIFER
Well, yes, there are two mansions that were converted to—

LORI
It’s the school where Lady Gaga went.

ALEX
Yes! I knew I knew someone famous went there! That must be really cool!

LORI
She’s not the only one.  There are lots of—

JENNIFER
Let’s not run down the list, ok?  It’s a school just like any other, and we really try to treat everyone the same.

ALEX
Treat all the rich people the same, you mean.  The ones who can afford to send their kids there.

JENNIFER (setting her drink down)
What’s that supposed to mean?

ALEX
What? I mean it’s clearly a privileged—

GARY (offstage)
Hey, Tarzan, I’m having trouble getting the top off the shaker! Can you come help?

ALEX
He does this all the time. He shakes it so hard that the top freezes shut. COMING!

(Alex exits to the kitchen leaving the two women sitting with their drinks.)

JENNIFER
Why did you say you liked these guys again?

LORI
Jen, c’mon. They’re nice guys.

JENNIFER
I’m having trouble seeing the “nice” part.

LORI
I told you they’re a little over the top about some stuff, but overall they’re way more down to earth than most of the middle aged gay guys we meet.

JENNIFER
I guess. (she takes a drink) I just didn’t appreciate that last comment.

LORI
Which one?

JENNIFER
The one about the rich people.

LORI
Omigod, don’t tell me you haven’t heard that a thousand times before when you tell people where you work.

JENNIFER
I know, Lori, I hear it all the time. That’s why I like to end the conversation with “I’m a teacher” rather than spilling out all the details.

LORI
I was just trying to make conversation. I knew he would be all into the famous people part of your job. When I told them I was on CNN that one time, they flipped out.

JENNIFER
All the more reason to keep the school details to yourself.

(At this moment, Gary comes running back into the room with a tray of snacks followed by a tentatively walking Alex carrying two very full drinks. Gary immediately goes to Jennifer with the plate, sits down on the couch pretty close to her, and offers her a snack.)

GARY
So I had no idea that you knew Lady Gaga! Alex just said you know her from your job and—

JENNIFER (to Lori)
This is what I mean.

GARY
What?

JENNIFER
I do not know Lady Gaga.

LORI
She works at the school where Lady Gaga went to school. (to Alex) I didn't say that Jennifer knows Lady Gaga.

ALEX (still staring at the drinks and walking slowly)
I didn’t say it either, but Gary hears what he wants to hear.

(Alex arrives at this point to hand Gary his drink, makes a “toasting” motion with his own, and proceeds to take two very large gulps of it.)

GARY
So you don’t know Lady Gaga?

JENNIFER
I walk past her class picture every day on the way to my classroom, but the only way I know it’s her is because the dean of students pointed it out to me on my interview. She looks nothing like the Lady Gaga you know.

GARY
Really?

JENNIFER
Really.

LORI
She’s got a point. Gaga had to wear the same dress as everyone else for the picture. No raw meat allowed on class picture day.

JENNIFER
She wasn’t even Gaga then, so it doesn’t really make a difference.

ALEX
Didn’t she shoot her special with the Muppets there?

GARY
No, Silly!  She shot A Very Gaga Thanksgiving there. (to Jennifer) Did you go?

JENNIFER
To what?

GARY
The shooting of the special?

JENNIFER
Of course not!

LORI
She wasn’t even working there yet.

JENNIFER
This is my third year. They shot it the year before I was hired.

GARY
Damn!

ALEX
He loves Gaga. Where were you before Sacred Heart?

JENNIFER
Just a another school. I got tired of being in the same place, and Sacred Heart seemed like a nice change.

ALEX
Did you not like the other school?

JENNIFER
No, I just felt like I was ready for a new environment.

ALEX
Where was the other school?

JENNIFER
Same neighborhood.

(Alex is silent, waiting for her to answer.)

JENNIFER
I was at Chapin. 

GARY
Woohoo, that’s another pricey one, isn’t it?

ALEX
Whoa, you’re really jet setting aren’t you?

JENNIFER
No, I’m teaching. Trust me, there’s nothing glamorous about teaching at these schools. They’re schools just like anywhere else—

ALEX
C’mon, Jennifer, are you serious?

JENNIFER
What? Yes, I’m serious.

ALEX
You really believe that?

JENNIFER
Yes, I believe it. I’m teaching my girls at Sacred Heart or Chapin or anywhere else the same way that kids get taught everywhere.

ALEX
Do you teach the way you were taught?

JENNIFER
Well, any teacher teaches the way they were taught. Teachers develop their approach as a response to how they were taught. I teach in response to how I was taught.

ALEX
Do you teach where you were taught?

LORI (frantically changing the subject)
Hey, Gary, can I have one of those snacks?

GARY
Sure! (He jumps up and moves over to Lori in the armchair. She takes a snack and pops it in her mouth.)

LORI (mouth full)
These are fantastic! (swallows, but still chewing)  Have one, Jennifer, they’re great!

GARY (moving back to Jennifer)
My mother’s recipe. Her great aunt made these 80 years ago. Total secret. No one outside of the family has the recipe.

Serial Play-entry #2: Derailed

(Alex exits back down the hallway.)

GARY
Sorry for that. Alex can be a little, well, you know, Lori. You saw it before.

LORI
Oh, I did. I know how he can be.

GARY
You’ll see what we mean, Jennifer.

JENNIFER
Uh huh.

GARY
Now, what can I get you to both drink?  We’ve got the wine you brought which is chilling.  I’ve got another bottle of white already cold, a red that’s very good, or I can mix a cocktail.

LORI (looking at Jennifer)
Uh…?

JENNIFER
You go ahead. Can I just get some water to start?

GARY
Sure! We have Pellegrino, tonic, seltzer, tap?

JENNIFER
Some Pellegrino would be fine.

GARY
Lemon or mandarin orange?

JENNIFER
So many choices.  Uh, how about the lemon?

GARY
You got it. Lori?

LORI
Do you have vodka?

GARY
Now what kind of question is that?  I offer you a cocktail, and you ask if I have vodka.

LORI
Well, you guys only drank gin that night, so I wasn’t sure.

GARY
That was one night, and before the white wine at dinner.  We are perfectly capable of mixing it up a bit.

LORI
OK then, how about—?

GARY
Grey Goose, Tito’s, Kettle One, Absolut, Smir—

LORI
Tito’s.  Tito’s. Is. Good. Now I know how you feel, Jen.

JENNIFER
Jennifer.

LORI
Right.  Jennifer.

GARY
How do you want your Tito’s?

LORI
Martini up?

GARY
Perfect.  With a twist?

LORI
You remembered!

GARY
Of course, I did. You ordered three of them!

LORI
That was some evening!

(Gary and Lori share a laugh, while Jennifer just looks more uncomfortable.)

(Alex re-enters at this point, fully clothed in a green polo and jeans.)

ALEX
OK. Let’s try this again. Lori, it’s great to see you again (He gives her a kiss on the cheek)

LORI
Much better.

ALEX
And Jennifer, it’s nice to meet you in person. We heard a lot about you.

(Alex holds out his hand.  Jennifer takes it and shakes it.)

JENNIFER
I got that impression.

GARY
All good things. No need to worry.  Lori filled us in.

JENNIFER
So she says. I kinda wish you had talked about some other things instead of me.

ALEX
Yeah, well, we did talk about other things, but four hours in a car is a long time. Talking about you was inevitable. (turning to Gary and Lori) Right?

LORI
Sure, I mean, what else could I do? You weren’t there, and then when they heard about you, these two were like a commercial for The Enquirer.

GARY
Enquiring minds want to know, Jennifer. Lori didn’t have much choice. Alex can tell you, I’m ruthless about getting information and—

ALEX
You’re also ruthless about being a good host and making drinks, right? Did he get your orders already?

LORI
He did.

GARY
I was just about to get them started, but you made your grand re-entrance, so I figured I should wait and make sure you actually put your clothes on.

ALEX
He loves to give me a hard time, this one.

(Alex grabs Gary around the waist and gives him a big kiss. Lori smiles, looks over at Jennifer, and she looks the other way, her eyes catching a book on the coffee table.)

ALEX (patting Gary on the butt)
Get those drinks going, and I’ll keep everyone in here occupied.

GARY
Tito’s martini up and a lemon Pellegrino coming up. (exits to the kitchen)

JENNIFER (looking at the book)
Did you see this Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit?

ALEX
We did. It was beautiful.

JENNIFER
I wanted to see it, and then I just lost track of when it closed.

ALEX
Yeah, I ended up going on the last day. I couldn't show my face at work if I didn’t see it. It’s my job and all.

JENNIFER
So you’re the architect?

ALEX
Yeah, I--

LORI
Honey, I told you Alex was the architect, sweetie. And Gary is a lawyer.

JENNIFER
Right. Sure. But without having met them before, it’s hard to keep all of that straight.

ALEX
No worries at all. I  barely keep it straight, and we’ve been together for 11 years. You two are going on 7?

LORI
Good memory!

(Gary returns with Jennifer’s Pellegrino and the Gerber daisies in a vase, which he sets on the coffee table.  Then hands Jennifer her Pellegrino, which she takes while trying to manage the large coffee table book. Gary hustles away to get the other drink.)

ALEX
Here, let me take that. (He takes the book and sets it back on the coffee table.)  Great flowers.  Did you bring those?

LORI
Yeah, I remembered from—

ALEX
The train station. Gary made such a big deal about the stand having Gerber daisies.

LORI
Right. I figured it would be a nice reminder.

ALEX
Such a good evening.

LORI
A real surprise given the circumstances.

ALEX
Yeah. Lucky really.

LORI
I’ll say.

(There’s a silence between all of them. Gary comes walking in from the kitchen slowly, as to not spill the martini, which is very full.)

GARY (as he walks to Lori)
Don’t mind me. Just trying not to spill. We just got this new rug from Room and Board and this one gets all worked up about stains.

ALEX
It’s expensive, and I after a week I still think it should be stain-free. 

JENNIFER
Oh geez, keep Lori off of it then. She’s got a life-long bad case of the dropsies. One time we were at our friend Jean’s place and—

GARY
Is this the story about the dropcloth? Like when your friend invited you over and put a drop cloth down under the dining room table as a joke?  I LOVE that story.

JENNIFER
You know that story?

ALEX
Lori told us over dinner that night in Boston. That was after she sent a meatball flying off her plate and under the table next to us.

LORI
You guys are exaggerating.

GARY
It was a real “Pretty Woman” moment, except that Richard Gere was nowhere in sight.

ALEX
Unfortunately.

LORI
He’s gotten kind of old looking don’t you think?

ALEX
Oh sure, but that’s the great thing about film. It traps a person in time and they look like that forever and ever and ever.

GARY
Aaay-MEN!!!

(Lori lifts her glass in a “cheers” motion, and the three share a good laugh. Jennifer is not amused. When the laughter dies down, Lori sees Jennifer looking at her.)

LORI
Babe, what’s wrong?

JENNIFER
Is there anything that you didn’t tell these two?

LORI
Jen, c’mon. Calm down.

JENNIFER
No, I’m serious. What else do they know about me? About us? I mean you barely know them, and they know all sorts of things about us.  

LORI
This is a little inappropriate, don’t you think? Gary and Alex invite us to dinner, and we should not be—

JENNIFER
Should not be what? I told you I thought this was all a little strange.

LORI
Stop it, please?

JENNIFER (to Gary and Alex)
I appreciate the invitation, but I don’t understand why you know so much about us. The fact that you spent the evening together after what happened and then drove back the next day is bad enough, particularly when I told Lori she was crazy to get into a car and drive four hours with two men she didn’t know. But Lori never worries about those kinds of things, and I just have to live with that.

LORI (setting down her drink)
We should go.

JENNIFER
Fine with me.

GARY
No, please don’t go.

LORI
I think this was probably not the best idea. I should have realized that--

GARY (moving to Jennifer) 
Jennifer, I’m terribly sorry.

JENNIFER
It’s fine, I just think it’s too soon for this.

ALEX
Too soon?

GARY (moving to Jennifer) 
We’ve done a first-class job of telling every inside joke possible, and nothing to welcome you.  That’s not what we meant to have happen. We invited you and Lori to dinner because we want to know you. We heard all about you, probably more than we would’ve under normal circumstances, but that night was anything but normal.

JENNIFER
I know. I thought Lori was—

GARY
I know. I know you did. I’m sorry.

JENNIFER
I thought she was dead.  She always took that train out of Boston, and she always traveled in the business class car at the front of the train.

ALEX
Me too. If Gary hadn’t been with me, he would have felt the same way you did. I was there at our Boston office for a design presentation. I would have been traveling in the same car.

GARY
It was a total coincidence that I had to be in Boston the same day for a deposition. And Lori was there promoting her new book. All of us were supposed to be on that train, and for some reason, the three of us didn’t make it.

ALEX
And we weren’t the only ones. The traffic getting to the train station was awful for some reason, and about 30 people missed that train. We were all standing around, pissed at Boston traffic and pissed at Amtrak for being on time for once, and then the board just started showing all trains as “Delayed.” Then they made an announcement that train traffic to New York had been suspended until further notice, and mass chaos broke out.

LORI
That’s when you called and told me what you were seeing on the news.

GARY
And that’s how we found out that the train we were supposed to be on had derailed.

Serial Play-introduction and entry #1: Where's my shirt?

In 2012, I wrote a series of short plays on this blog, and I tried to keep that going for as many weeks as possible. It ended up being a productive way to keep writing, and six of those plays were produced earlier this year.

In September I was writing in my journal, and I started to get an idea for a longer play. I decided that in order to get it done, it might be fun to serialize it on my blog, with the idea that a new entry to the play will come out each Monday between Noon and 1:00pm (EST). I finally got myself to sit down and write the first entry, and here it is. My goal is to have an entry each Monday until the play is done. Stay tuned, read the play, and send me feedback. You never know when I might need some inspiration. And thanks for reading!

Serial Play, entry #1: Where's my shirt?

Music begins to play as lights fade to black.  Music swells in the blackout and then lights up on an apartment on New York’s Upper West Side, mid 90s and Broadway. It’s a modern apartment with up-to-date furnishings. Not particularly warm, but fashionable.  There is a round dinner table center stage, a doorway to the kitchen stage right and a couch, coffee table, arm chair, and a television stage left.  Downstage left of the living room area there is a door to a hallway leading to the two bedrooms and bathroom.  Upstage of the living room area is the door to the apartment. Light for the dining room table comes from an overhead fixture. The apartment is high enough in the building that the view out of its windows is basically across Broadway and into the rooms of other people’s apartments. The music playing comes from a speaker that is near the armchair in the living room, and it’s a mix of jazz, classical, and the occasional soft pop tune.

GARY is setting four places at the dining room table. He is fairly meticulous about it, making sure the plates are centered on placemats, forks and knives are parallel, etc. He is in his early forties, dressed simply but elegantly. His clothes aren’t flashy, but they’re expensive. The last things Gary sets on the table are four wine glasses, and as he goes to set the last one, he notices a spot. He attempts to remove the spot with his sleeve, but it just smears.  He sighs and exits into the kitchen.

ALEX enters the apartment carrying a grocery bag from a local supermarket. He is also in his early forties, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, no t-shirt under the hoodie, zipper open just enough. He sets the bag down on the coffee table and exits towards the bedrooms.

GARY (offstage)
Alex, is that you? . . . Hey? . . .HELLO? (He enters from the kitchen, carrying a wine glass.) ALEX? Did you come in? (He goes to the front door, opens it, looks out, comes back in. As he turns, he notices the bag on the coffee table, shakes his head.) ALEX!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

GARY
WHERE ARE YOU?

ALEX
I’M IN THE BEDROOM.

GARY
YOU LEFT THE ICE CREAM OUT HERE ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

(Alex enters, the hoodie unzipped.)

ALEX
I know, I was trying—

GARY
Please tell you’re not wearing that for dinner.

ALEX
--to change my shirt, and you started yelling.

GARY
You left the ice cream on the coffee table.

ALEX
Gary, I just got here.

GARY
But it’s melting!

ALEX
Didn’t you hear me come in?

GARY
No, I didn’t hear you come in. I was running the water cleaning this glass—

ALEX
And it’s not melting in the two minutes—

GARY
What flavor is it?

ALEX
It’s Vanilla.

GARY
Vanilla or Vanilla Bean?

ALEX
It’s Vanilla, why?

GARY
I told you to get Vanilla Bean. That’s the better—

ALEX
All they had was Vanilla. I can’t tell the difference.

GARY
I can, and they might be able to.

ALEX
Well, we’ll tell them that they were out of Vanilla Bean.

GARY
It goes much better with the fresh berries. Are you sure they were out of it?

ALEX
I checked the freezer, I asked the sales girl who then asked her manager when I told her that my husband was not going to go for Vanilla, and they told me that the Vanilla Bean won’t be in until tomorrow.  OK?

GARY
Did you try—

ALEX
Yes, I tried the bodega on the corner, because I knew you’d ask, and they were out too. Maybe there’s a run on Vanilla Bean or something. I did the best I could.

GARY
My berry crumble won’t be the same, but it’ll have to do. (suddenly noticing Alex’s bare chest) God, you look good in that hoodie. 

ALEX
I thought you just said that I should change my shirt. 

GARY
Yeah, you should, but only after I take another look.

(Gary moves in to kiss his husband, and it’s clear from the kiss that they love each other. The bickering over the ice cream is just part of their routine. Just as the kiss starts to get distracting, a bell goes off in the kitchen. Gary breaks the kiss.)

GARY
That’s the crumble! Change your shirt! (Gary grabs the bag and runs into the kitchen.)

ALEX (calling after him)
What time are they coming?

GARY (offstage)
6:30!

ALEX (checks his phone)
Shit!

(Alex runs into hallway towards the bedroom. Suddenly the music bumps up to a much higher level. It's as if somebody hit the volume by accident.)

ALEX (offstage)
GARY, TURN IT DOWN.

(No response from Gary. The apartment buzzer goes off. No response. It buzzes again. ALEX comes back in with a toothbrush in his mouth, still unzipped hoodie.)

GARY! (Spewing toothpaste everywhere)

GARY (running in)
What?!?!

ALEX (with toothpaste)
Turn the music down!

GARY
Who turned it up?

ALEX (taking out the toothbrush)
It runs through your phone.

GARY
Oh shit, where’s my phone?

ALEX
Turn it down!

GARY
Stop spitting and change your shirt!

(Alex groans and exits and Gary tries to wipe up the toothpaste spittle. He's starting to get a little disheveled. The buzzer goes off again, and Gary hears it this time and hits a button next to the front door.)

GARY (exiting to kitchen)
They're here!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

GARY (sticks his head out of the kitchen)
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY UP!

ALEX (offstage)
NOT UP, DOWN!  TURN IT DOWN!

(Both men are offstage, the music starts to come down in volume, and there's a knock at the apartment door.)

GARY (offstage)
JUST A SEC!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

(Gary enters and goes to the front door.)

GARY
Wasn't talking to you!

(He runs his hands over his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles, opens the door to reveal LORI and JENNIFER. LORI is in her late 30s, dressed in jeans, boots, and a simple sweater. She holds a bottle of wine.  JENNIFER is slightly younger than LORI, in her mid-late 30s.  She wears a skirt with leggings and a nice blouse. Her long hair is pulled back tightly. She is holding a bunch of Gerber daisies.)

GARY
Lori! C’mon in!

(Lori and Jennifer enter the apartment.)

LORI
Hi Gary! Thanks for having us! 

(Gary and Lori kiss each other on the cheek and Jennifer looks on, a bit confused.)

GARY
It’s so nice to see you! And you must be Jen. (He goes to give her a kiss on the cheek.)

JENNIFER (sticking out her hand before he can reach her)
It’s Jennifer.

GARY (awkwardly shakes her hand)
Oh, sorry. Lori kept calling you Jen when we—

JENNFER
It’s Jennifer.

LORI
I’m the only one who calls her Jen.

GARY
Sure. Ok. Got it.  Well, welcome, Jennifer.

LORI
These are for you and Alex. (They hand him the wine and the daisies.)  I remembered from our dinner in the hotel that Alex likes Pinot Noir and you loved those Gerber daisies we saw in the train station.

GARY
Great memory! These are lovely. Let me get this in the fridge and get a vase for the flowers. Alex should be out in just a minute.  Have a seat.

(Gary exits into the kitchen but continues to yell in from there.)

GARY
I HOPE YOU’RE HUNGRY. WE’VE BEEN COOKING ALL AFTERNOON AND—

ALEX (entering from the hallway in just a pair of boxer briefs)
BABE, WHERE’S MY GREEN POLO?  I CAN’T FIND—OH, SHIT!

(When he sees the women in his living room, Alex covers himself with his hands, or tries to, while Jennifer gasps and turns away and Lori just laughs.)

LORI
That’s certainly a way to make an entrance.

ALEX
Uh, yeah, sorry.  I had no idea you were here. Hi Lori.  Nice to see you again.

GARY (entering)
What can I get you to—ALEX, what the—

ALEX
Why didn’t you tell me they were here?

GARY
I said that they were on their way up.

ALEX
You said something about the music and I—

GARY
No, I said they were on their way up, and you just didn’t pay—

LORI
It’s ok, guys, but why don’t you put on some pants, OK?  And a shirt too.

GARY
How embarrassing.

ALEX (sticking out a hand)
You must be Jen.  I’m Alex.

GARY
It’s Jennifer.

ALEX
But Lori always called her—

JENNIFER
It’s Jennifer. Hi. Handshakes after the pants and shirt would be great.

ALEX
Right. God, I don’t even know you. Sorry. I’ll be right back. (to Gary) Get them a drink or something. And where’s my green polo?

GARY
I was trying…  It’s hanging in your closet, with the other polos.

ALEX
I looked there.

GARY
Try again. And put some pants on while you’re at it.

ALEX
I’ll think about it.

(Alex exits back down the hallway.)

GARY
Sorry for that. Alex can be a little, well, you know, Lori. You saw it before.

LORI
Oh, saw it. I know how he can be.

(The two of them laugh together. Jennifer is silent.)

GARY
You’ll see what we mean, Jennifer.

JENNIFER
I'm sure.

GARY
Now, what can I get you to drink?  We’ve got the wine you brought which is chilling.  I’ve got another bottle of white already cold, a red that’s very good, or I can mix a cocktail.