GARY
It was a total coincidence that I had to be in Boston the same day for a deposition. And Lori was there promoting her new book. All of us were supposed to be on that train, and for some reason, the three of us didn’t make it.
ALEX
And we weren’t the only ones. The traffic getting to the train station was awful for some reason, and about 30 people missed that train. We were all standing around, pissed at Boston traffic and pissed at Amtrak for being on time for once, and then the board just started showing all trains as “Delayed.” Then they made an announcement that train traffic to New York had been suspended until further notice, and mass chaos broke out.
LORI
That’s when you called and told me what you were seeing on the news.
GARY
And that’s how we found out that the train we were supposed to be on had derailed.
(There is silence as the four of them take in what Gary has said. Lori sits down in the chair with her drink, the weight of the memory being a little too much for her. Alex is the first to break the silence.)
ALEX
Hey, didn’t we agree that we wouldn’t spend tonight talking about THAT night. At least that’s what it said in the email that I got. And what’s a girl gotta do to get a drink around here? Gary? Can I get a drink please?
GARY
Only if the ladies agree to stay.
ALEX
The purpose of tonight was for us to get to know Jennifer. Right?
GARY
Right.
(Lori looks up at Jennifer who is closest to the door.)
JENNIFER
I don’t know. I feel like I already made a pretty bad impression.
GARY
You? Oh for Pete’s sake, Lady. We didn’t hear the buzzer, my husband introduced himself in his underwear with his junk out front under the hood instead of in the trunk--
ALEX
Gary? Really?
GARY
--and we’re discussing our near death experience like a deleted scene from Steel Magnolias. All we need is Sally Field to buzz up, and it’ll be a real humdinger. YOU, my dear, have not made a bad impression in the least.
LORI
How can you resist that many over-the-top references in so few breaths?
JENNIFER
It was pretty good. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard a decent Steel Magnolias reference.
ALEX
Please don’t encourage him. After a couple of drinks he’ll recite the movie for you if you pay him any more compliments.
JENNIFER
Got it. I’ll be careful. (she turns to Lori) Sorry. You know how I get.
LORI
Oh, I do. And it’s fine. Let’s just start again with the conversation, and I’m doing to let you do the introducing of you.
GARY
Exactly. On that note, get started with that introducing, and I’ll get drinks for us.
(Gary exits to the kitchen and we hear the cocktails being mixed over the next few lines before his entrance. Alex motions for Jennifer to have a seat on the couch, and he sits at the other end.)
ALEX
So I know that Lori teaches sociology and writes books. She said that you were a teacher, but I can’t remember of what. (To Lori) Did we talk about that?
LORI
I think I said Jennifer was a teacher, but that night—
ALEX
Oh yeah, which I just said we weren’t gonna talk about.
LORI
Check. (she drinks)
ALEX
So you’re a teacher?
JENNIFER
Uh, well, yeah, but not at a university or anything.
ALEX
Yeah? So what do you teach?
JENNIFER
I teach 3rd grade at a private school on the Upper East Side.
ALEX
Nice! Which one? There’re so many up there. Brearley, Dalton, Hunter..?
JENNIFER
Hunter’s actually a public school.
ALEX
Oh, I thought it was private.
JENNIFER
Lots of people think it is, but it’s public. Part of the CUNY system and connected to Hunter College.
ALEX
Got it. So where then?
JENNIFER
Where what?
ALEX
Where do you teach?
LORI
She teaches atConvent of the Sacred Heart.
JENNIFER
Lori!
LORI
What?
ALEX
Huh! That’s a really fancy school!
JENNIFER
It’s just—
ALEX
Sometimes I walk past it on my way to a meeting on that side of town for one of my clients. Beautiful building. Or actually a couple of buildings, right?
JENNIFER
Well, yes, there are two mansions that were converted to—
LORI
It’s the school where Lady Gaga went.
ALEX
Yes! I knew I knew someone famous went there! That must be really cool!
LORI
She’s not the only one. There are lots of—
JENNIFER
Let’s not run down the list, ok? It’s a school just like any other, and we really try to treat everyone the same.
ALEX
Treat all the rich people the same, you mean. The ones who can afford to send their kids there.
JENNIFER (setting her drink down)
What’s that supposed to mean?
ALEX
What? I mean it’s clearly a privileged—
GARY (offstage)
Hey, Tarzan, I’m having trouble getting the top off the shaker! Can you come help?
ALEX
He does this all the time. He shakes it so hard that the top freezes shut. COMING!
(Alex exits to the kitchen leaving the two women sitting with their drinks.)
JENNIFER
Why did you say you liked these guys again?
LORI
Jen, c’mon. They’re nice guys.
JENNIFER
I’m having trouble seeing the “nice” part.
LORI
I told you they’re a little over the top about some stuff, but overall they’re way more down to earth than most of the middle aged gay guys we meet.
JENNIFER
I guess. (she takes a drink) I just didn’t appreciate that last comment.
LORI
Which one?
JENNIFER
The one about the rich people.
LORI
Omigod, don’t tell me you haven’t heard that a thousand times before when you tell people where you work.
JENNIFER
I know, Lori, I hear it all the time. That’s why I like to end the conversation with “I’m a teacher” rather than spilling out all the details.
LORI
I was just trying to make conversation. I knew he would be all into the famous people part of your job. When I told them I was on CNN that one time, they flipped out.
JENNIFER
All the more reason to keep the school details to yourself.
(At this moment, Gary comes running back into the room with a tray of snacks followed by a tentatively walking Alex carrying two very full drinks. Gary immediately goes to Jennifer with the plate, sits down on the couch pretty close to her, and offers her a snack.)
GARY
So I had no idea that you knew Lady Gaga! Alex just said you know her from your job and—
JENNIFER (to Lori)
This is what I mean.
GARY
What?
JENNIFER
I do not know Lady Gaga.
LORI
She works at the school where Lady Gaga went to school. (to Alex) I didn't say that Jennifer knows Lady Gaga.
ALEX (still staring at the drinks and walking slowly)
I didn’t say it either, but Gary hears what he wants to hear.
(Alex arrives at this point to hand Gary his drink, makes a “toasting” motion with his own, and proceeds to take two very large gulps of it.)
GARY
So you don’t know Lady Gaga?
JENNIFER
I walk past her class picture every day on the way to my classroom, but the only way I know it’s her is because the dean of students pointed it out to me on my interview. She looks nothing like the Lady Gaga you know.
GARY
Really?
JENNIFER
Really.
LORI
She’s got a point. Gaga had to wear the same dress as everyone else for the picture. No raw meat allowed on class picture day.
JENNIFER
She wasn’t even Gaga then, so it doesn’t really make a difference.
ALEX
Didn’t she shoot her special with the Muppets there?
GARY
No, Silly! She shot A Very Gaga Thanksgiving there. (to Jennifer) Did you go?
JENNIFER
To what?
GARY
The shooting of the special?
JENNIFER
Of course not!
LORI
She wasn’t even working there yet.
JENNIFER
This is my third year. They shot it the year before I was hired.
GARY
Damn!
ALEX
He loves Gaga. Where were you before Sacred Heart?
JENNIFER
Just a another school. I got tired of being in the same place, and Sacred Heart seemed like a nice change.
ALEX
Did you not like the other school?
JENNIFER
No, I just felt like I was ready for a new environment.
ALEX
Where was the other school?
JENNIFER
Same neighborhood.
(Alex is silent, waiting for her to answer.)
JENNIFER
I was at Chapin.
GARY
Woohoo, that’s another pricey one, isn’t it?
ALEX
Whoa, you’re really jet setting aren’t you?
JENNIFER
No, I’m teaching. Trust me, there’s nothing glamorous about teaching at these schools. They’re schools just like anywhere else—
ALEX
C’mon, Jennifer, are you serious?
JENNIFER
What? Yes, I’m serious.
ALEX
You really believe that?
JENNIFER
Yes, I believe it. I’m teaching my girls at Sacred Heart or Chapin or anywhere else the same way that kids get taught everywhere.
ALEX
Do you teach the way you were taught?
JENNIFER
Well, any teacher teaches the way they were taught. Teachers develop their approach as a response to how they were taught. I teach in response to how I was taught.
ALEX
Do you teach where you were taught?
LORI (frantically changing the subject)
Hey, Gary, can I have one of those snacks?
GARY
Sure! (He jumps up and moves over to Lori in the armchair. She takes a snack and pops it in her mouth.)
LORI (mouth full)
These are fantastic! (swallows, but still chewing) Have one, Jennifer, they’re great!
GARY (moving back to Jennifer)
My mother’s recipe. Her great aunt made these 80 years ago. Total secret. No one outside of the family has the recipe.