Serial Play--entry #6: Secret's out

GARY
Whatever you say, dear.

ALEX
Gary...?

GARY
He hates it when I say "dear".

ALEX
My grandmother who could barely see or hear towards the end would say that to my grandfather all the time. Just to shut him up.  Made him furious. Drives me crazy when I hear it.

GARY
OK, enough with the dirty laundry. They’ve already seen and heard way too much and we're barely past the finger foods.

ALEX (deep breath)
So we've got an order of saag with chicken, chicken vindaloo, tandoori chicken, and the chick pea dish I can't say. Then an order of pakora, an order of samosas, and plenty of naan. Then four orders of surprise me rice. Good?

LORI
Ours is right. (raises her glass)

GARY
Double the pakora and samosas and then we're dandy.

ALEX (marking his list)
We're set. I'll place the order.

GARY
And I'll mix you a drink.

(Gary exits to the kitchen and Alex picks up his phone to call in the order.)

ALEX (while dialing)
We’re really not this bad all the time. Long week.

LORI
It’s fine. You should hear us sometimes.

JENNIFER
Lori!

LORI
Oh, c’mon.  What’s the difference?

ALEX (on the phone)
Yeah, hi? . . . Yeah, it’s Alex. Right. . . . . Yeah, it’s been a couple of weeks. . . . We were away for work.  Yes.  Yes. Right. . . You have the number, yeah? . . . Good. Yeah, I’d like an order of the chicken saag, an order of the chicken vindaloo. . .

JENNIFER (whispering to Lori)
Just because they’re doing it doesn’t mean we have to.

LORI (taking a drink)
Whatever…

ALEX (on the phone)
No, there’s more. . . .Yeah we have some some guests.  Yeah. An order of the tandoori chicken and an order of #27. . . #27. . . Right the chick pea dish. . . Yeah, that one.  And then four orders of rice. . . . Uh, yeah two white rices and then surprise me with the other two. . . . Surprise me. . . .Like you make the choice. . . Our guests want to experiment. . . .YES. You make the choice for the other two. . . Hold on there’s more. . . . Yeah we’re hungry. . . .  So two orders of naan, two orders of the samosas, and two orders of the pakora. . . And you send sauces, right? . . . Great. . . . Oh, no, actually, we’ll pick up. . . . Yeah, I’m serious. . . .How long will it be? . . .OK. We’ll be right there. (hangs up) The benefits and deficits of being a regular. (towards the kitchen) Gary! It’s ready in 15 minutes!

GARY (returning with Jennifer’s water)
That fast?

ALEX
He said they’re not so busy for some reason.

GARY
OK, I’ll leave now.

JENNIFER
I’ll come with you.

GARY
No, it’s fine. You should stay here and relax. You’re our guest.

JENNIFER
I’d love the walk.

GARY
But your water.

JENNIFER
It’ll be here when we get back.

ALEX
He can handle it, Jennifer. It’s just a couple of bags.

LORI (with another drink)
Let her go. She needs the walk.

JENNIFER
Yeah, thanks.

GARY
OK, then. Just let me get my wallet.  (He exits to the hallway to get his wallet in their bedroom.)

LORI (to Alex)
Aren’t you gonna have another drink?

ALEX
Yeah, I was going to, but Gary never brought it in.

LORI
Huh.

ALEX
Yeah, huh.

(Gary re-enters)

ALEX
Where’s my drink?

GARY
Uh, you told me to get the food, so I didn’t mix the drink. Do you want me to do it before I leave?

ALEX
Nope. Go get the food.

GARY (towards the kitchen)
It’ll only take a minute.

ALEX
Just GO, I said. Get the food. I’m sure we’re all starving.

LORI
Ravenous!

GARY (ignoring them both, to Jennifer)
Ready?

(Jennifer nods, puts down her glass, and walks to the door.)

LORI (raising her glass)
Hurry back!

(Jennifer looks at her before leaving the apartment. Gary exits after her and shuts the door. Lori is still on the couch, and Alex is standing there.)

ALEX
Jesus.

LORI
Yeah.

ALEX
I really need a drink.

LORI
Number two is going down just fine here.

ALEX
Lemme catch up.

LORI
What are you waiting for?

(Alex heads into the kitchen, but the two continue talking.)

ALEX (offstage, sounds of cocktail shaker under conversation)
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

LORI
WHAT?

ALEX
THAT LITTLE PISSY PARTY.

LORI
OH. THAT. (she takes a drink) THAT’S JUST JEN. I MEAN “JENNIFER.” (she takes another drink) PARDON ME. NOTHING’S EASY, RIGHT?

ALEX
TELL ME ABOUT IT. (shaking stops)

LORI
I MEAN SHE CAN BE SO UPTIGHT SOMETIMES. I’M SORRY IF SHE’S MAKING THIS A REAL BUMMER. (drains the glass) SHE’S A BIT OF A WORRIER. . . . ABOUT EVERYTHING…

(Alex re-enters with his cocktail.)

ALEX (raising his glass)
Cheers!

(Lori raises her empty glass.)

ALEX
Why didn’t you tell me you needed another?

LORI
Cause I think holding right here is a better choice. At least until there’s some more food.

ALEX (scoffs)
Uh, yeah. Sorry about this. It’s just par for the course.

LORI
Not the first time?

ALEX
Not exactly. (takes a drink) Gary’s never dropped the dinner on the floor, but there are plenty of other shitty moments like this where a night gets derailed because he does something stupid.

LORI
Like what?

ALEX
Oh, there’s the time he cooked dinner for my brother and his family and used pine nuts in the sauce. We get halfway through the dinner, and my nephew’s face is bright red and his little hands are swelling. My sister-in-law asked what was in the sauce, then proceeds to scream and run for her purse. 

LORI
Shit.

ALEX
Nut allergy.

LORI
Sure.

ALEX
Out comes the epi-pen and the cell phone, and the next thing I know NYPD and FDNY are in my apartment with a stretcher and my nephew is on oxygen and out the door.

LORI
Dinner is served.

ALEX
The only consolation was the hot firemen.

LORI
Amen!

ALEX
But they didn’t stay long.

LORI
Was your nephew ok?

ALEX
Fine after a night in the hospital.

LORI
Kids are resilient. How old?

ALEX
He was 7.  9 now.

LORI
Glad it turned out OK.

ALEX
They haven’t been back for dinner since.

LORI
Do you blame them?

ALEX
I guess not...

LORI
I wouldn’t have thought of Gary as someone who makes mistakes.

ALEX
No one does. He doesn’t make mistakes anywhere else. For some reason, they always happen here. In our house. On occasions like this.

LORI
Huh.

(There is silence as Alex takes another drink.)

ALEX
So…Is she always that way?

LORI
Jen?

ALEX
“Jennifer”

LORI
Ah yes, excuse me. “Jennifer.” Yeah, that’s pretty much her.

ALEX
I mean she's like you told us she would be, but I’m kinda surprised that’s who you’re with.

(Lori doesn’t say anything.)

ALEX
I mean . . . uh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that (takes a drink) That was really outta—

LORI
No, I understand. I know.

ALEX
Really, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just—

LORI
It’s OK, I’ve heard it before. Opposites attract, right?

ALEX
I’m not so sure I’d say you were opposites in the way that people mean when they say “opposites attract.”  It’s just that… (finishes his drink) you’re just so different is all.

LORI
Do you mean we’re different or I’m different.

ALEX
You two seem very different.

LORI
How?

ALEX
Jennifer just acts so…

LORI
Uptight?

ALEX
It’s more than that. It’s like she’s stuck or something. Or hiding?  Is that it?  Hiding?

LORI
She doesn’t like to talk about herself very much. She gets mad when I tell people things about her.

ALEX
Why?

LORI
It’s complicated.

ALEX
So our time in Boston must have made her really happy.

LORI
Yeah, well, after being together for awhile, I’ve learned not to say so much. I’m pretty good when I’m sober, but loose lips sink ships, and mine get real loose with the booze.

ALEX
So she thinks we know too much about her?

LORI
She’s upset that you know about our past.

ALEX
That she was your student?

LORI
Uh, yeah.

ALEX
What’s the big deal?

LORI
No idea.

ALEX
It happens all the time, right? You academics play by a whole different set of rules when it comes to that stuff. At least that’s what I hear.

LORI
As with many things, you hear about it with the men all the time, and we just sweep it aside as boys being boys, but women are much quieter or sneakier or something. And then when it comes up, there are all sorts of eye brows raised.

ALEX
It’s no different though.

LORI
Eh, it’s a little different. Different power dynamics.

ALEX
Still teacher-student.

LORI
But different between two women. Seems to be less taboo on the surface, but then it gets all Children’s Hour.

ALEX
Children’s Hour?

LORI
It’s a play.

ALEX
Oh. I don’t know it.

LORI
No loss.

(Silence as Alex takes this in.)

ALEX
But it still upsets her that people know?

LORI
It does. She’s very private about it.

ALEX
She’s gotta know we don’t care. (gesturing around the apartment) Judgment-free zone.

LORI
Doesn’t matter. She’s fine about a lot of stuff, but not about that.

ALEX
Well, we can just tell her that—

LORI
NO, you cannot say anything. She’ll flip and we’ll never make it through dinner.

ALEX
I think you’re being way too protective.

LORI
Alex, please? You don’t have to go home with her tonight.  I do.  DO NOT say anything.

ALEX
OK, OK.  So weird. … I can’t believe it’s such a big deal.

LORI
Believe me. It’s a big deal.

Serial Play--entry #5: Cumin Castle

JENNIFER
Gary said that I’m just like you said I’d be.  What did you tell them I’d be?

(At this moment, the vacuum goes on in the kitchen. Lori smiles, shrugs her shoulders, and kisses Jennifer again.)

JENNIFER (over the vacuuming sounds)
What did you say to them about me?

LORI (mouthing the words and smiling sheepishly)
I can’t hear you.

JENNIFER (over the vacuum sounds)
Very funny!

(The two sit in silence as the vacuum runs. Lori picks up a book from the coffee table and starts to look at it. The vacuum stops.)

LORI
This is the exhibit you wanted to see?

JENNIFER
Yeah, it was a bunch of Frank Lloyd Wright's sketches. I've been kind of obsessed with him since I was a kid.

LORI
Why?

JENNIFER
My dad was into architecture and one summer we took a road trip to see different examples of Frank Lloyd Wright. My mom was the navigator--

LORI
Your mom?

JENNIFER
I know. Doesn't seem possible now.

LORI
She acts like she can barely find her way to the grocery store.

JENNIFER
Well, this was before she stopped working. My dad wasn't department chair at this point, still a junior professor, so she had to work.

LORI
Doing what?

JENNIFER
She worked as a bank teller.

LORI
A bank teller?

JENNIFER
Yeah.

LORI
Your mom seems so…I don’t know. Not math oriented?

JENNIFER
She's actually really good at math.  And a lot tougher than she looks.

LORI
We've spents lots of time with your family--

JENNIFER
Too much probably--

LORI
--and I would never in a thousand years guess that you’re mom worked as a bank teller.

JENNIFER
Well, she did. And that summer when I was in 2nd grade and Stephen was in 4th, my parents rented a mobile home and we drove for three weeks to these different Frank Lloyd Wright buildings. Fallingwater was my favorite.

LORI
Fallingwater?

JENNIFER
It's a house that Wright built in Pennsylvania. Near Pittsburgh. Here, let me see the book.

(Jennifer takes the book from Lori, and she pages through.)

JENNIFER
Not seeing any images of Fallingwater.

LORI
I'm learning all sorts of new things about you here.

JENNIFER
What do you mean?

LORI
It's like this place brings out all your secrets or something.

JENNIFER
I wouldn't really call this a secret. It's just stuff we never talked about. I'm sure there are plenty of things about you that we've never talked about, right?

(Jennifer continues to look through the book. Lori doesn't answer.)

JENNIFER (looking up)
Right?

LORI
Sure.

(Lori smiles and finishes her drink and puts it down. Gary comes back in from the hallway in a new shirt.)

GARY (doing a little twirl)
All clean.

LORI (dove claps)
Lovely!

GARY
I better go check and see if Alex is still speaking to me.

LORI
It's much better in there now, I'm sure.

GARY
Fingers crossed!

(Gary exits into the kitchen. Jennifer puts down the book and sits down next to Lori on the couch.)

JENNIFER
So what did you tell them about me?

LORI
Why do you keep asking?

JENNIFER
Because it's weird being around people who know things about me when I know nothing about them. And I don't know what you told them about me and that makes it--

LORI
I told them you’re a teacher. I told them that you are very sweet and pretty. That we've known each other for a long time but didn't get together until 6 years ago, that you like--

JENNIFER
Why did you tell them that?

LORI
What? That you’re very sweet and pretty?

JENNIFER
Cut it out. You know what I'm talking about.

LORI
Why shouldn’t I tell them?

JENNIFER
My gosh, Lori!

LORI
What's wrong with them knowing?

JENNIFER
I just don't think it’s something that everyone needs to know.

LORI
Look, I was with Alex and Gary alone for a long time. After we realized about the accident, at the dinner we drank a lot, the next morning we had a long car ride back here. We talked about all sorts of things.

JENNIFER
But that stuff is really personal about me.

LORI
And?

JENNIFER
And I don't think you have the right to just tell total strangers about my past.

LORI
What are you so afraid of?

JENNIFER
I'm not afraid of anything.  I just don’t feel that—

(Alex and Gary re-enter from the kitchen. Gary carries a number of take out menus, and Alex takes the vacuum back over to the closet and puts it away.)

GARY
So we've got Thai Paradise, Golden Choice Chinese, Neighborhood's Best BBQ, Tip of the Boot Italian, and Cumin Castle. Any of those sound tempting?

ALEX
We've eaten at all of them.

LORI
Jennifer's vegetarian so...

JENNIFER
Whatever is fine. I'm sure I can find--

GARY
Let's eliminate the BBQ.

ALEX
And we had Chinese last night.

LORI
Jennifer cooked Italian this past week.

JENNIFER
But I--

GARY
That leaves us with Thai Paradise or Cumin Castle.

LORI
What's Cumin Castle?

GARY
Indian fusion.

LORI
Fused with what?

ALEX
It's a good question. We haven't quite figured it out yet.

GARY
All we know is that it goes great with red wine.

LORI
Is it spicy?

GARY
Uh...?

ALEX
Yes.

LORI
Jen?

JENNIFER
Anything will be fine.

LORI
Right, but spicy is--

JENNIFER
--fine with me. I'll find something.

ALEX
We can totally go with Thai.

JENNIFER
I LOVE INDIAN FOOD.

(Alex and Gary look at the women who are staring at each other a little too intently. Then they look at each other.)

ALEX
OK then. Cumin Castle it is. Do you want to look at the menu?

LORI (taking the menu)
Sure, we'll take a look.

GARY
And while you're deciding, how about I make some drinks?  Alex can choose for me. He knows what I like.

LORI
What do you usually get?

GARY
I get saag with chicken.

LORI
Is that on the menu?

GARY
It's not but they make it for me anyway.

LORI
Alex?

ALEX
Chicken vindaloo.

GARY
Who wants a drink?

LORI
I'll have another round.

ALEX
Same.

GARY
Jennifer?

JENNIFER
Some more water would be great.

GARY
I've got plenty of wine?

JENNIFER
I'm good with the water.  Thanks. Can I see the menu?

(Lori hands her the menu and Gary exits.)

ALEX
OK, let me get a piece of paper and pen to take your order. (To Lori) For the lady?

LORI
I'll have the tandoori chicken with an order of naan--

ALEX
Oh, the naan is complimentary.

LORI
Well then. Fancy.  How about an order of pakora to start?

ALEX
You got it. What kind of rice?

LORI
Whatever. Surprise me.

ALEX (writing)
One surprise rice. (To Jennifer) And for the other lady?

JENNIFER (still looking at the menu)
Uh...I think I'll have this chick pea dish. (Pointing to the menu)

ALEX
I don't know to say it, but I'll write it down.

JENNIFER
And I'll start with--

LORI
Is that the chick pea dish with the chili symbol next to it?  Should you be having--

JENNIFER
It's fine, Lori.

LORI
But you aren't--

JENNIFER (ignoring her)
And I'll have an order of the samosas to start. And make mine a surprise rice too.

ALEX
Two surprise rices. Any sauces?

LORI
They'll probably send some, right?

ALEX
I think so.

(Gary comes in with Lori's drink.)

ALEX
Do they send sauces?

GARY
Yeah, lots of them.

ALEX
What kind of rice?

GARY
Whatever it comes with.

ALEX
OK. Should I have it delivered?

GARY
Why don't I just go pick it up?  It's a block away? I dropped the dinner all over the floor. I can go pick up our food.

ALEX (to the women)
This is a first. It'll snow tomorrow.

GARY
Oh, shut up. You make out like I never do anything.

ALEX
Well, that's the first time in 11 years of being together that you've ever offered to pick up the takeout.

GARY
Whatever you say, dear.

ALEX
Gary...?

GARY
He hates it when I say "dear".

ALEX
My grandmother who could barely see or hear towards the end would say that to my grandfather all the time. Just to shut him up.  Made him furious. Drives me crazy when I hear it.

GARY
OK, enough with airing our laundry. The girls have already seen and heard way too much and we're barely past the finger foods.

ALEX (deep breath)
So we've got an order of saag with chicken, chicken vindaloo, tandoori chicken, and the chick pea dish I can't say. Then an order of pakora, an order of samosas, and plenty of naan. Then four orders of surprise me rice. Good?

GARY
Double the pakora and samosas and then we're dandy.

ALEX (marking his list)
We're set. I'll place the order.

GARY
And I'll mix you a drink.

(Gary exits to the kitchen and Alex picks up his phone to call in the order.)

Serial Play--entry #4: Dropsies

LORI (changing the subject)
Hey, Gary, can I have one of those snacks?

GARY
Sure! (He jumps up and moves over to Lori in the armchair. She takes a snack and pops it in her mouth.)

LORI (mouth full)
These are fantastic!

GARY
My mother’s great aunt made these 80 years ago. Total secret. No one outside of the family has the recipe.

LORI (after the final swallow)
How do we change that?

ALEX (taking one)
Don’t even try. He won’t let me in the kitchen when he’s making them, and I have no idea where he keeps the recipe.

LORI (taking another)
Seriously?

GARY
For real. It’s all up here (touching his head).

LORI (to Jennifer, before eating her next one)
You should really have one. They’re incredible.

(Gary holds out the plate and Jennifer takes a snack.  She likes it.)

JENNIFER (after swallowing)
Really good. So cheesy. And light at the same time.

LORI
Right? I can’t tell what the cheese is, but it’s so good.

ALEX
I think it’s manchego, but he tells me—

GARY
Now why in the world would an 80-year old recipe from my Jewish aunt have manchego cheese in it?

ALEX
There were Jews in Spain, and I’m sure it’s not the only place where—

JENNIFER
Actually, it’s only made in the La Mancha region of Spain.

GARY
“La Mancha” like as in “Man of”?

JENNIFER
Yeah, you could say that. It’s where Don Quixote was set.

ALEX
Only musical theatre references work with Gary. 

GARY
Hey!

ALEX
What?

GARY
You make me sound like some raging homosexual stereotype.

ALEX
Well?

GARY
That's not fair!

ALEX
You are way more likely to recognize something literary if it can be cross-referenced to something from the American musical theatre canon. I’m not judging, just stating a fact.

GARY
But—

ALEX (to Lori)
Based on the time we spent together, am I wrong?

LORI
I’m not touching any of this with a ten-foot pole. Can I have one more?

(Gary moves over to Lori, who takes the last one off the plate and pops it in her mouth. After she swallows…)

LORI
I agree with Alex. I would guess manchego.

JENNIFER
It’s not manchego.

LORI
How do you know?

JENNIFER
Cheese made from sheep’s milk tastes different the cheese in there.

ALEX
You know that after eating just one?

JENNIFER
I do.  Manchego is made from sheep’s milk.

GARY
She’s right.  It’s not manchego. 

ALEX
How do you know so much about manchego?

JENNIFER
I spent some time in that part of Spain.

LORI
You did?  When?

JENNIFER
Awhile back. Actually a long time ago.

GARY
When were you there?  Alex and I went to Spain a couple of summers ago, and we loved it!

JENNIFER
My parents took us when I was in 5th grade.  My brother was in 3rd.

GARY
Wow! Do you speak Spanish?

JENNIFER
A little.

ALEX
How long were you there?

JENNIFER
About nine months, I think.  It was a long time ago, and I—

LORI
Why didn’t you ever tell me this?

JENNIFER
It never came up?

LORI
Seems like it should’ve.

JENNIFER
It’s not a big deal.

ALEX
Why were you there for nine months?

JENNIFER
Uh, well, my dad was a visiting professor at the University of Castillo there, and he brought us along.  My parents thought it would be a good experience.

(A bell goes off in the kitchen.)

GARY
Sounds like a great way to spend 5th grade! Manchego cheese and all! I better check on dinner.

(Gary exits with the empty plate.)

LORI
That’s really cool!

JENNIFER
It was ok.

LORI
Hold on! Is that why your parents have that painting in their living room? That one that looks like it’s from Spain and—

JENNIFER
Yeah, they bought it when we were there. 

LORI
I’ve always loved that painting. I should have asked earlier.

ALEX
So when you left school here for a year, did you come back behind?

JENNIFER
What do you mean?

ALEX
Like behind the rest of the kids?  Did you have to repeat a grade or anything?

JENNIFER
Oh no, my mom home schooled us while we were there, and it was pretty typical to spend a year traveling.  Lots of kids did it at my school.

ALEX
Sounds like some school. That reminds me, you never answered my question.

JENNIFER
What?

ALEX
Do you teach where you were taught?

(Jennifer takes a drink of her water, side glances to Lori, and then replies with an uncomfortable smile.)

JENNIFER
No. I don’t.

ALEX
So where did you—

LORI
Alex, I’ve been meaning to ask you about your—

(Suddenly there’s a very loud crashing sound in the kitchen. Gary howls and yells, and everyone jumps up.)

ALEX (overlapping)
What the--?

LORI (overlapping)
Are you ok?

JENNIFER (overlapping)
Do you need help?

GARY (offstage)
SHIIIIIIT!

ALEX (running to the kitchen)
Gary, what’s going on? (offstage) JESUS CHRIST!

LORI (moving towards the kitchen, stopping short)
Oh geez…

(Jennifer moves up next to Lori, as Gary walks out of the kitchen with some kind of food all down his front.)

JENNIFER
Oh. Uh. Wow. Gosh, are you ok?

GARY
I’m fine.

LORI
Did you burn yourself?

GARY
I’m fine. The dinner’s not, but I’m fine.

(Alex comes out of the kitchen with dirty, gloppy paper towels.)

ALEX
Don’t just stand there, Gary, there’s food and broken glass all over the floor!

GARY
I know, Alex, for Christ’s sake, don’t you think I know that?  The dinner is all over me too.

ALEX
How the fuck did you manage to drop it?

GARY
I don’t know…

ALEX
How can you not know? Did you slip or something?

GARY
I think the pot holder slipped as I was moving it to the cooling rack, and it just fell.

ALEX
I tell you all the time to be careful with this stuff, and you just flit around and hum your little cooking songs, and then we end up with this mess. 

GARY
Would you just shut up about it? I feel awful as it is.

ALEX
Yeah, well what are we gonna do now?  We have guests here, GARY! We invited THEM to dinner.

LORI
Guys, guys, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.  Let’s just get this cleaned up, and we’ll order in or something. I’m sure there’s a good Chinese place in this neighborhood.  Or Thai or something like that?  It’s fine.  We're not fussy, right?

JENNIFER (moving to help Gary)
Totally.  It’s fine.  Don't worry

GARY
But I made this special cauliflower parmesan especially because I knew you don’t eat meat. I found the recipe in the Times, and I even tested it and—

ALEX
You heard what they said.  Just stop the whining and let’s get this cleaned up.

LORI
How about I help you in the kitchen?

GARY
No, really, I should—

LORI
I do this all the time. Remember the drop cloth?  Right, Jennifer?

JENNIFER
Trust me, this is nothing compared to what Lori can do.

LORI (to Alex)
C’mon.

(Alex and Lori exit into the kitchen.)

JENNIFER
We should really get this shirt into some cold water. It’s going to stain.

GARY
I will never hear the end of this. He will never let me hear the end of this.

JENNIFER
It’s not a big deal.

GARY
He hates it when I make these kinds of mistakes. He loves to keep score on stuff like this.  He’ll just add this to the long list of transgressions. 

JENNIFER
Uh, I think this needs to get into some cold water or you’ll have to hear about ruining your shirt too.

GARY
Yeah. OK. (He gets up to go towards the hallway.) I’m really so sorry.

JENNIFER
It’s so OK.

GARY
I feel like we’re making a really bad impression.

JENNIFER
Not at all.

GARY
Lori spoke so highly of you when we were—

JENNIFER
That’s nice.

GARY
You’re just like she said you were. That night. It’s all she really kept saying over and over again.

JENNIFER
Uh, thanks, I guess?

(Gary smiles at her, takes her hands, and gives them a squeeze.  Then he turns and goes to the hallway. Jennifer is left alone on stage for a moment, taking in the whole scene. Deep breath and moves towards the kitchen, but Lori comes out first, wiping her hands on a dish towel.)

LORI
Wow.

JENNIFER
How’s it going in there?

LORI
It’s a real mess.

(Alex comes out of the kitchen, goes to a small closet and pulls out a dustpan, brush, and small vacuum cleaner.)

ALEX (heading back into kitchen)
Apologies in advance for the noise. I need to get the glass up.

JENNIFER (after Alex is out of ear shot)
Sounds like this has happened before.

LORI
Yeah, I got a real earful in the kitchen while we were wiping up.

JENNIFER
Should we just go?

LORI
God, no.  I think that'll just make it worse.

JENNIFER
You’re probably right.

LORI
Although it may be a long evening. Is Gary OK?

JENNIFER
Hard to tell. I told him to get his shirt into some cold water.

LORI
Good idea. You always have the good ideas. (She kisses Jennifer lightly, lovingly.)

JENNIFER
I try.

(They smile at each other and kiss again.)

JENNIFER
Gary said that I’m just like you said I’d be.  What did you tell them I’d be like?

(At this moment, the vacuum goes on in the kitchen. Lori smiles, shrugs her shoulders, and kisses Jennifer again.)

Serial Play-entry #2: Derailed

(Alex exits back down the hallway.)

GARY
Sorry for that. Alex can be a little, well, you know, Lori. You saw it before.

LORI
Oh, I did. I know how he can be.

GARY
You’ll see what we mean, Jennifer.

JENNIFER
Uh huh.

GARY
Now, what can I get you to both drink?  We’ve got the wine you brought which is chilling.  I’ve got another bottle of white already cold, a red that’s very good, or I can mix a cocktail.

LORI (looking at Jennifer)
Uh…?

JENNIFER
You go ahead. Can I just get some water to start?

GARY
Sure! We have Pellegrino, tonic, seltzer, tap?

JENNIFER
Some Pellegrino would be fine.

GARY
Lemon or mandarin orange?

JENNIFER
So many choices.  Uh, how about the lemon?

GARY
You got it. Lori?

LORI
Do you have vodka?

GARY
Now what kind of question is that?  I offer you a cocktail, and you ask if I have vodka.

LORI
Well, you guys only drank gin that night, so I wasn’t sure.

GARY
That was one night, and before the white wine at dinner.  We are perfectly capable of mixing it up a bit.

LORI
OK then, how about—?

GARY
Grey Goose, Tito’s, Kettle One, Absolut, Smir—

LORI
Tito’s.  Tito’s. Is. Good. Now I know how you feel, Jen.

JENNIFER
Jennifer.

LORI
Right.  Jennifer.

GARY
How do you want your Tito’s?

LORI
Martini up?

GARY
Perfect.  With a twist?

LORI
You remembered!

GARY
Of course, I did. You ordered three of them!

LORI
That was some evening!

(Gary and Lori share a laugh, while Jennifer just looks more uncomfortable.)

(Alex re-enters at this point, fully clothed in a green polo and jeans.)

ALEX
OK. Let’s try this again. Lori, it’s great to see you again (He gives her a kiss on the cheek)

LORI
Much better.

ALEX
And Jennifer, it’s nice to meet you in person. We heard a lot about you.

(Alex holds out his hand.  Jennifer takes it and shakes it.)

JENNIFER
I got that impression.

GARY
All good things. No need to worry.  Lori filled us in.

JENNIFER
So she says. I kinda wish you had talked about some other things instead of me.

ALEX
Yeah, well, we did talk about other things, but four hours in a car is a long time. Talking about you was inevitable. (turning to Gary and Lori) Right?

LORI
Sure, I mean, what else could I do? You weren’t there, and then when they heard about you, these two were like a commercial for The Enquirer.

GARY
Enquiring minds want to know, Jennifer. Lori didn’t have much choice. Alex can tell you, I’m ruthless about getting information and—

ALEX
You’re also ruthless about being a good host and making drinks, right? Did he get your orders already?

LORI
He did.

GARY
I was just about to get them started, but you made your grand re-entrance, so I figured I should wait and make sure you actually put your clothes on.

ALEX
He loves to give me a hard time, this one.

(Alex grabs Gary around the waist and gives him a big kiss. Lori smiles, looks over at Jennifer, and she looks the other way, her eyes catching a book on the coffee table.)

ALEX (patting Gary on the butt)
Get those drinks going, and I’ll keep everyone in here occupied.

GARY
Tito’s martini up and a lemon Pellegrino coming up. (exits to the kitchen)

JENNIFER (looking at the book)
Did you see this Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit?

ALEX
We did. It was beautiful.

JENNIFER
I wanted to see it, and then I just lost track of when it closed.

ALEX
Yeah, I ended up going on the last day. I couldn't show my face at work if I didn’t see it. It’s my job and all.

JENNIFER
So you’re the architect?

ALEX
Yeah, I--

LORI
Honey, I told you Alex was the architect, sweetie. And Gary is a lawyer.

JENNIFER
Right. Sure. But without having met them before, it’s hard to keep all of that straight.

ALEX
No worries at all. I  barely keep it straight, and we’ve been together for 11 years. You two are going on 7?

LORI
Good memory!

(Gary returns with Jennifer’s Pellegrino and the Gerber daisies in a vase, which he sets on the coffee table.  Then hands Jennifer her Pellegrino, which she takes while trying to manage the large coffee table book. Gary hustles away to get the other drink.)

ALEX
Here, let me take that. (He takes the book and sets it back on the coffee table.)  Great flowers.  Did you bring those?

LORI
Yeah, I remembered from—

ALEX
The train station. Gary made such a big deal about the stand having Gerber daisies.

LORI
Right. I figured it would be a nice reminder.

ALEX
Such a good evening.

LORI
A real surprise given the circumstances.

ALEX
Yeah. Lucky really.

LORI
I’ll say.

(There’s a silence between all of them. Gary comes walking in from the kitchen slowly, as to not spill the martini, which is very full.)

GARY (as he walks to Lori)
Don’t mind me. Just trying not to spill. We just got this new rug from Room and Board and this one gets all worked up about stains.

ALEX
It’s expensive, and I after a week I still think it should be stain-free. 

JENNIFER
Oh geez, keep Lori off of it then. She’s got a life-long bad case of the dropsies. One time we were at our friend Jean’s place and—

GARY
Is this the story about the dropcloth? Like when your friend invited you over and put a drop cloth down under the dining room table as a joke?  I LOVE that story.

JENNIFER
You know that story?

ALEX
Lori told us over dinner that night in Boston. That was after she sent a meatball flying off her plate and under the table next to us.

LORI
You guys are exaggerating.

GARY
It was a real “Pretty Woman” moment, except that Richard Gere was nowhere in sight.

ALEX
Unfortunately.

LORI
He’s gotten kind of old looking don’t you think?

ALEX
Oh sure, but that’s the great thing about film. It traps a person in time and they look like that forever and ever and ever.

GARY
Aaay-MEN!!!

(Lori lifts her glass in a “cheers” motion, and the three share a good laugh. Jennifer is not amused. When the laughter dies down, Lori sees Jennifer looking at her.)

LORI
Babe, what’s wrong?

JENNIFER
Is there anything that you didn’t tell these two?

LORI
Jen, c’mon. Calm down.

JENNIFER
No, I’m serious. What else do they know about me? About us? I mean you barely know them, and they know all sorts of things about us.  

LORI
This is a little inappropriate, don’t you think? Gary and Alex invite us to dinner, and we should not be—

JENNIFER
Should not be what? I told you I thought this was all a little strange.

LORI
Stop it, please?

JENNIFER (to Gary and Alex)
I appreciate the invitation, but I don’t understand why you know so much about us. The fact that you spent the evening together after what happened and then drove back the next day is bad enough, particularly when I told Lori she was crazy to get into a car and drive four hours with two men she didn’t know. But Lori never worries about those kinds of things, and I just have to live with that.

LORI (setting down her drink)
We should go.

JENNIFER
Fine with me.

GARY
No, please don’t go.

LORI
I think this was probably not the best idea. I should have realized that--

GARY (moving to Jennifer) 
Jennifer, I’m terribly sorry.

JENNIFER
It’s fine, I just think it’s too soon for this.

ALEX
Too soon?

GARY (moving to Jennifer) 
We’ve done a first-class job of telling every inside joke possible, and nothing to welcome you.  That’s not what we meant to have happen. We invited you and Lori to dinner because we want to know you. We heard all about you, probably more than we would’ve under normal circumstances, but that night was anything but normal.

JENNIFER
I know. I thought Lori was—

GARY
I know. I know you did. I’m sorry.

JENNIFER
I thought she was dead.  She always took that train out of Boston, and she always traveled in the business class car at the front of the train.

ALEX
Me too. If Gary hadn’t been with me, he would have felt the same way you did. I was there at our Boston office for a design presentation. I would have been traveling in the same car.

GARY
It was a total coincidence that I had to be in Boston the same day for a deposition. And Lori was there promoting her new book. All of us were supposed to be on that train, and for some reason, the three of us didn’t make it.

ALEX
And we weren’t the only ones. The traffic getting to the train station was awful for some reason, and about 30 people missed that train. We were all standing around, pissed at Boston traffic and pissed at Amtrak for being on time for once, and then the board just started showing all trains as “Delayed.” Then they made an announcement that train traffic to New York had been suspended until further notice, and mass chaos broke out.

LORI
That’s when you called and told me what you were seeing on the news.

GARY
And that’s how we found out that the train we were supposed to be on had derailed.

Serial Play-introduction and entry #1: Where's my shirt?

In 2012, I wrote a series of short plays on this blog, and I tried to keep that going for as many weeks as possible. It ended up being a productive way to keep writing, and six of those plays were produced earlier this year.

In September I was writing in my journal, and I started to get an idea for a longer play. I decided that in order to get it done, it might be fun to serialize it on my blog, with the idea that a new entry to the play will come out each Monday between Noon and 1:00pm (EST). I finally got myself to sit down and write the first entry, and here it is. My goal is to have an entry each Monday until the play is done. Stay tuned, read the play, and send me feedback. You never know when I might need some inspiration. And thanks for reading!

Serial Play, entry #1: Where's my shirt?

Music begins to play as lights fade to black.  Music swells in the blackout and then lights up on an apartment on New York’s Upper West Side, mid 90s and Broadway. It’s a modern apartment with up-to-date furnishings. Not particularly warm, but fashionable.  There is a round dinner table center stage, a doorway to the kitchen stage right and a couch, coffee table, arm chair, and a television stage left.  Downstage left of the living room area there is a door to a hallway leading to the two bedrooms and bathroom.  Upstage of the living room area is the door to the apartment. Light for the dining room table comes from an overhead fixture. The apartment is high enough in the building that the view out of its windows is basically across Broadway and into the rooms of other people’s apartments. The music playing comes from a speaker that is near the armchair in the living room, and it’s a mix of jazz, classical, and the occasional soft pop tune.

GARY is setting four places at the dining room table. He is fairly meticulous about it, making sure the plates are centered on placemats, forks and knives are parallel, etc. He is in his early forties, dressed simply but elegantly. His clothes aren’t flashy, but they’re expensive. The last things Gary sets on the table are four wine glasses, and as he goes to set the last one, he notices a spot. He attempts to remove the spot with his sleeve, but it just smears.  He sighs and exits into the kitchen.

ALEX enters the apartment carrying a grocery bag from a local supermarket. He is also in his early forties, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, no t-shirt under the hoodie, zipper open just enough. He sets the bag down on the coffee table and exits towards the bedrooms.

GARY (offstage)
Alex, is that you? . . . Hey? . . .HELLO? (He enters from the kitchen, carrying a wine glass.) ALEX? Did you come in? (He goes to the front door, opens it, looks out, comes back in. As he turns, he notices the bag on the coffee table, shakes his head.) ALEX!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

GARY
WHERE ARE YOU?

ALEX
I’M IN THE BEDROOM.

GARY
YOU LEFT THE ICE CREAM OUT HERE ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

(Alex enters, the hoodie unzipped.)

ALEX
I know, I was trying—

GARY
Please tell you’re not wearing that for dinner.

ALEX
--to change my shirt, and you started yelling.

GARY
You left the ice cream on the coffee table.

ALEX
Gary, I just got here.

GARY
But it’s melting!

ALEX
Didn’t you hear me come in?

GARY
No, I didn’t hear you come in. I was running the water cleaning this glass—

ALEX
And it’s not melting in the two minutes—

GARY
What flavor is it?

ALEX
It’s Vanilla.

GARY
Vanilla or Vanilla Bean?

ALEX
It’s Vanilla, why?

GARY
I told you to get Vanilla Bean. That’s the better—

ALEX
All they had was Vanilla. I can’t tell the difference.

GARY
I can, and they might be able to.

ALEX
Well, we’ll tell them that they were out of Vanilla Bean.

GARY
It goes much better with the fresh berries. Are you sure they were out of it?

ALEX
I checked the freezer, I asked the sales girl who then asked her manager when I told her that my husband was not going to go for Vanilla, and they told me that the Vanilla Bean won’t be in until tomorrow.  OK?

GARY
Did you try—

ALEX
Yes, I tried the bodega on the corner, because I knew you’d ask, and they were out too. Maybe there’s a run on Vanilla Bean or something. I did the best I could.

GARY
My berry crumble won’t be the same, but it’ll have to do. (suddenly noticing Alex’s bare chest) God, you look good in that hoodie. 

ALEX
I thought you just said that I should change my shirt. 

GARY
Yeah, you should, but only after I take another look.

(Gary moves in to kiss his husband, and it’s clear from the kiss that they love each other. The bickering over the ice cream is just part of their routine. Just as the kiss starts to get distracting, a bell goes off in the kitchen. Gary breaks the kiss.)

GARY
That’s the crumble! Change your shirt! (Gary grabs the bag and runs into the kitchen.)

ALEX (calling after him)
What time are they coming?

GARY (offstage)
6:30!

ALEX (checks his phone)
Shit!

(Alex runs into hallway towards the bedroom. Suddenly the music bumps up to a much higher level. It's as if somebody hit the volume by accident.)

ALEX (offstage)
GARY, TURN IT DOWN.

(No response from Gary. The apartment buzzer goes off. No response. It buzzes again. ALEX comes back in with a toothbrush in his mouth, still unzipped hoodie.)

GARY! (Spewing toothpaste everywhere)

GARY (running in)
What?!?!

ALEX (with toothpaste)
Turn the music down!

GARY
Who turned it up?

ALEX (taking out the toothbrush)
It runs through your phone.

GARY
Oh shit, where’s my phone?

ALEX
Turn it down!

GARY
Stop spitting and change your shirt!

(Alex groans and exits and Gary tries to wipe up the toothpaste spittle. He's starting to get a little disheveled. The buzzer goes off again, and Gary hears it this time and hits a button next to the front door.)

GARY (exiting to kitchen)
They're here!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

GARY (sticks his head out of the kitchen)
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY UP!

ALEX (offstage)
NOT UP, DOWN!  TURN IT DOWN!

(Both men are offstage, the music starts to come down in volume, and there's a knock at the apartment door.)

GARY (offstage)
JUST A SEC!

ALEX (offstage)
WHAT?

(Gary enters and goes to the front door.)

GARY
Wasn't talking to you!

(He runs his hands over his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles, opens the door to reveal LORI and JENNIFER. LORI is in her late 30s, dressed in jeans, boots, and a simple sweater. She holds a bottle of wine.  JENNIFER is slightly younger than LORI, in her mid-late 30s.  She wears a skirt with leggings and a nice blouse. Her long hair is pulled back tightly. She is holding a bunch of Gerber daisies.)

GARY
Lori! C’mon in!

(Lori and Jennifer enter the apartment.)

LORI
Hi Gary! Thanks for having us! 

(Gary and Lori kiss each other on the cheek and Jennifer looks on, a bit confused.)

GARY
It’s so nice to see you! And you must be Jen. (He goes to give her a kiss on the cheek.)

JENNIFER (sticking out her hand before he can reach her)
It’s Jennifer.

GARY (awkwardly shakes her hand)
Oh, sorry. Lori kept calling you Jen when we—

JENNFER
It’s Jennifer.

LORI
I’m the only one who calls her Jen.

GARY
Sure. Ok. Got it.  Well, welcome, Jennifer.

LORI
These are for you and Alex. (They hand him the wine and the daisies.)  I remembered from our dinner in the hotel that Alex likes Pinot Noir and you loved those Gerber daisies we saw in the train station.

GARY
Great memory! These are lovely. Let me get this in the fridge and get a vase for the flowers. Alex should be out in just a minute.  Have a seat.

(Gary exits into the kitchen but continues to yell in from there.)

GARY
I HOPE YOU’RE HUNGRY. WE’VE BEEN COOKING ALL AFTERNOON AND—

ALEX (entering from the hallway in just a pair of boxer briefs)
BABE, WHERE’S MY GREEN POLO?  I CAN’T FIND—OH, SHIT!

(When he sees the women in his living room, Alex covers himself with his hands, or tries to, while Jennifer gasps and turns away and Lori just laughs.)

LORI
That’s certainly a way to make an entrance.

ALEX
Uh, yeah, sorry.  I had no idea you were here. Hi Lori.  Nice to see you again.

GARY (entering)
What can I get you to—ALEX, what the—

ALEX
Why didn’t you tell me they were here?

GARY
I said that they were on their way up.

ALEX
You said something about the music and I—

GARY
No, I said they were on their way up, and you just didn’t pay—

LORI
It’s ok, guys, but why don’t you put on some pants, OK?  And a shirt too.

GARY
How embarrassing.

ALEX (sticking out a hand)
You must be Jen.  I’m Alex.

GARY
It’s Jennifer.

ALEX
But Lori always called her—

JENNIFER
It’s Jennifer. Hi. Handshakes after the pants and shirt would be great.

ALEX
Right. God, I don’t even know you. Sorry. I’ll be right back. (to Gary) Get them a drink or something. And where’s my green polo?

GARY
I was trying…  It’s hanging in your closet, with the other polos.

ALEX
I looked there.

GARY
Try again. And put some pants on while you’re at it.

ALEX
I’ll think about it.

(Alex exits back down the hallway.)

GARY
Sorry for that. Alex can be a little, well, you know, Lori. You saw it before.

LORI
Oh, saw it. I know how he can be.

(The two of them laugh together. Jennifer is silent.)

GARY
You’ll see what we mean, Jennifer.

JENNIFER
I'm sure.

GARY
Now, what can I get you to drink?  We’ve got the wine you brought which is chilling.  I’ve got another bottle of white already cold, a red that’s very good, or I can mix a cocktail.